This weekend is brought to us by the letter G. My plans for the weekend are as follows: Grocery shopping tomorrow morning. Graduation party tomorrow afternoon/night. And going to see my Grandma Sunday.
What's the first three words you can think of that start with the letter G? I thought of greed, giddy-up, and gesundheit. Don't ask me why. The only one I have half of an excuse for is greed. Because I was listening to a Creed song at the time. (Get it, creed and greed rhyme?)
Fact # 738. "There are more species of fish in the Amazon river than in the Atlantic ocean."
Is the Amazon river really polluted, causing numerous mutations of crazy-scary seventeen finned fish? Would a crazy-scary seventeen finned fish count as a new species? Or is the Amazon river filled with crazy horny fish that fornicate with all kinds of other fish, not caring about inter-species mutations? There's all kinds of turanihas (tuna + piranha) or pircanda (piranha + anaconda) and crap like that swimming around? (I only did two combos because I don't know what other kinds of fish swim in the Amazon river. I don't even know if anacondas are in that river, but I think that is the river the movie was set on.)
I am officially a drug dealer. For my cats. They are addicted to the nip. I feel like a horrible mommy. I should have been warning them against the nip, and instead, I'm their pusher. I had the container out yesterday and Alice climbed my leg trying to get some. The whole while screaming at the top of her lungs like I couldn't hear her or feel her claws in my leg.
I almost impaled a guy with my phone received today. But I resisted. It was really hard to hold back, but I did. I should get a medal. Or candy. Or something exciting like that.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Two days in a row?! I'm on a record!
WICKED IS TONIGHT?!?!?!?!
I'm only a little excited.
But seriously, if I have to deal with one more nincompoop (not quite sure how to spell it, but I think you get it - note: just spell checked it and that is what spell check gave me. who knew nincompoop was in spell checks dictionary) today, I might commit murder. But don't worry, I know a few good lawyers.
On to better news, I totally got a Vera Wang dress yesterday from Kohl's for $2.91. That's right folks, for less then $3!!! I was soo excited. It's really cute and perfect. I'm wearing it to Wicked tonight. Go bargain shopping!!
Ok, Snapple fact time
# 883. "Butterflies taste with their hind feet."
That's just creepy butterflies. Everytime I see a butterfly sitting on a flower now, I'm going to think about that. No wonder butterflies have to look so pretty, so they don't creep people out with how they smell. So when someone hears their creepy little secret they aren't like "Oh, bless their souls", instead they are like "well, at least they are really pretty. They do have that going for them." It's the same reason unicorns poop rainbows. Because people think unicorns look really silly with that horn sticking out of their forehead, but the pooping rainbows thing really helps their public appeal. I have discovered a really good flavor though. I think I might have mentioned it before. It's called "Snapple Apple". It's like biting into a juicy, just ripe enough apple. Even smells like it - the smell has a hint of apple peel to it and everything! Yea for good Snapple.
What Amanda learned today:
* Don't let a lawyer on your computer. They will probably break something. I witnessed a lawyer break the court's computer today. It was rather funny actually.
* I really hate idiots. Me and stupidity don't mix well.
I'm only a little excited.
But seriously, if I have to deal with one more nincompoop (not quite sure how to spell it, but I think you get it - note: just spell checked it and that is what spell check gave me. who knew nincompoop was in spell checks dictionary) today, I might commit murder. But don't worry, I know a few good lawyers.
On to better news, I totally got a Vera Wang dress yesterday from Kohl's for $2.91. That's right folks, for less then $3!!! I was soo excited. It's really cute and perfect. I'm wearing it to Wicked tonight. Go bargain shopping!!
Ok, Snapple fact time
# 883. "Butterflies taste with their hind feet."
That's just creepy butterflies. Everytime I see a butterfly sitting on a flower now, I'm going to think about that. No wonder butterflies have to look so pretty, so they don't creep people out with how they smell. So when someone hears their creepy little secret they aren't like "Oh, bless their souls", instead they are like "well, at least they are really pretty. They do have that going for them." It's the same reason unicorns poop rainbows. Because people think unicorns look really silly with that horn sticking out of their forehead, but the pooping rainbows thing really helps their public appeal. I have discovered a really good flavor though. I think I might have mentioned it before. It's called "Snapple Apple". It's like biting into a juicy, just ripe enough apple. Even smells like it - the smell has a hint of apple peel to it and everything! Yea for good Snapple.
What Amanda learned today:
* Don't let a lawyer on your computer. They will probably break something. I witnessed a lawyer break the court's computer today. It was rather funny actually.
* I really hate idiots. Me and stupidity don't mix well.
Monday, May 17, 2010
No wizard that there is or was...
Oh yea, just threw down some Wicked lyrics. SOOOOO excited about seeing to tomorrow on like 8th row!!!!!! I'm totally spoiled by hub. He does not like musicals. At all. Especially ones that he already knows the music to because his crazy wife listens to the soundtrack all the time. He says he is going to stand up in the middle of a quiet, dramatic part and start belting out "we're off to see the wizard...". And I swear I will knock him out if he does that.
For a couple reasons:
1. He kinda sucks at singing so I will need to rescue the other theater goers from his horrid singing 'skills'.
2. It's Wicked, and you don't mess with that stuff. You just don't.
3. So that rest of the audience will think I'm not with him, I was just the caped superhero that saved the show and shut him up. Just without the cape, or cool side-kick, or cool face mask. Basically the only reason I'm a superhero in this instance is that I say I am.
But seriously. I can't wait for tomorrow!! It's like Christmas morning. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight. I guess I'll just read my Wicked book while not sleeping tonight.
Side note: Hub and I had to go to Louisville for 'wellness testing' at his work at 9:30a.m. Saturday (way too freaking early to be up on a Saturday), so I got to go to the used book store. (used book store=Amanda's heaven.) (They are having a 20% off everything sale Memorial Day. Feel free to donate to the 'Amanda always needs more books and Brandon doesn't make enough money to support her addiction' fund.) I purchased the original Wicked book because I've been wanting to re-read it for years. I read it in high school, loved it, and then loaned it to a 'friend' who never returned it. So now I have a new-to-me copy again and am reading it. Again.
Snapple fact time!
# 866. "Abraham Lincoln was the tallest U.S. President at 6'4". James Madison was the shortest at 5'4"."
That's until I'm voted president in roughly 13 years. (I will be 36/37 - therefore I will be the shortest, youngest, and probably first woman.) I will be an awesome president. Maybe a little ADHD, but that's ok. I'm only uber distracted by penguins and spongebob and twilight. Shiny things only affect me sometimes. Whereas Lincoln was for sure full on ADHD. Where's my evidence? I don't really have any. It just sounds good. When I become president, I am outlawing high heels, making Friday an official weekend day (because 2:5 ratio of weekend:work week ratio is just too uneven), and who else knows what awesome laws I will help push through Congress. Can I count on your vote?
For a couple reasons:
1. He kinda sucks at singing so I will need to rescue the other theater goers from his horrid singing 'skills'.
2. It's Wicked, and you don't mess with that stuff. You just don't.
3. So that rest of the audience will think I'm not with him, I was just the caped superhero that saved the show and shut him up. Just without the cape, or cool side-kick, or cool face mask. Basically the only reason I'm a superhero in this instance is that I say I am.
But seriously. I can't wait for tomorrow!! It's like Christmas morning. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight. I guess I'll just read my Wicked book while not sleeping tonight.
Side note: Hub and I had to go to Louisville for 'wellness testing' at his work at 9:30a.m. Saturday (way too freaking early to be up on a Saturday), so I got to go to the used book store. (used book store=Amanda's heaven.) (They are having a 20% off everything sale Memorial Day. Feel free to donate to the 'Amanda always needs more books and Brandon doesn't make enough money to support her addiction' fund.) I purchased the original Wicked book because I've been wanting to re-read it for years. I read it in high school, loved it, and then loaned it to a 'friend' who never returned it. So now I have a new-to-me copy again and am reading it. Again.
Snapple fact time!
# 866. "Abraham Lincoln was the tallest U.S. President at 6'4". James Madison was the shortest at 5'4"."
That's until I'm voted president in roughly 13 years. (I will be 36/37 - therefore I will be the shortest, youngest, and probably first woman.) I will be an awesome president. Maybe a little ADHD, but that's ok. I'm only uber distracted by penguins and spongebob and twilight. Shiny things only affect me sometimes. Whereas Lincoln was for sure full on ADHD. Where's my evidence? I don't really have any. It just sounds good. When I become president, I am outlawing high heels, making Friday an official weekend day (because 2:5 ratio of weekend:work week ratio is just too uneven), and who else knows what awesome laws I will help push through Congress. Can I count on your vote?
Monday, May 10, 2010
Another Monday runs us over. Did anyone get that license plate number?!
Another Monday is here. Kicking our butts again. Is it Friday yet? I think this whole 5 day work week 2 day weekend thing is totally lopsided. I think the representative for weekends was too busy out getting drunk when they were splitting days up so the weekend got screwed over. Gee thanks drunk weekend representative dude! Hope you're proud of yourself. We all suffer now because of your irresponsibility.
Congrats to all those 2010 IUS grads that are walking today! Good job! Welcome to the realization that no one cares about your degree, only that you have one!
I don't know if this fact is a repeat or not. It sounds vaguely familiar but I am kinda out of it today so I might be imagining things.
#910. "Less than 2% of the water on Earth is fresh."
The rest is less then fresh? Buy it some deodorant or feminie products! You have to admit, that sounds like the beginning of a commercial for some strange feminine product. "Less than 2% of the water on Earth is fresh, leaving more then 98% of water on Earth being less then fresh. Well, when your water is feeling less then fresh, buy it the new and improved Biostat 3!" Side note: how can something be new and improved? It has to be one or the other.
To close out, I'd like to give a big shout out to Rocky's in Jeffersonville. Here goes - YOU SUCK!! HIRE BETTER WAITRESSES!!! AND SMARTER HOSTESSES!!!! And your food doesn't even compare to Olive Garden. Ok, I'm done.
And, if anyone didn't know, someone's *raises hand and starts jumping up and down* birthday is coming up in a little over two months. So for those of you who have no idea what to purchase such an awesome birthday girl let me give you a little idea:
Amanda's birthday present
Congrats to all those 2010 IUS grads that are walking today! Good job! Welcome to the realization that no one cares about your degree, only that you have one!
I don't know if this fact is a repeat or not. It sounds vaguely familiar but I am kinda out of it today so I might be imagining things.
#910. "Less than 2% of the water on Earth is fresh."
The rest is less then fresh? Buy it some deodorant or feminie products! You have to admit, that sounds like the beginning of a commercial for some strange feminine product. "Less than 2% of the water on Earth is fresh, leaving more then 98% of water on Earth being less then fresh. Well, when your water is feeling less then fresh, buy it the new and improved Biostat 3!" Side note: how can something be new and improved? It has to be one or the other.
To close out, I'd like to give a big shout out to Rocky's in Jeffersonville. Here goes - YOU SUCK!! HIRE BETTER WAITRESSES!!! AND SMARTER HOSTESSES!!!! And your food doesn't even compare to Olive Garden. Ok, I'm done.
And, if anyone didn't know, someone's *raises hand and starts jumping up and down* birthday is coming up in a little over two months. So for those of you who have no idea what to purchase such an awesome birthday girl let me give you a little idea:
Amanda's birthday present
Friday, May 7, 2010
Nala, stop raping the carrots!
I haven't blogged in a week. Just haven't really felt that funny, or inspired, or had any good Snapple facts. I didn't work last Friday or Tuesday so no Snapple that day and last Thursday I only worked until 3. Nothing super awesomely funny has happened today. but I do have one funny convo hub and I had the other night.
Situation set-up: Hub is in recliner, I'm on couch with bag of baby carrots and cup 'o ranch, eating the carrots. Nala is attacking the bag of carrots because for some unknown reason, she loves bags of carrots (see earlier post with picture of her with a bag of carrots).
Hub: "Nala! Stop raping the carrots!"
Me: "How do you know it's rape? They could be consenting carrots. You just don't speak carrot so you don't know."
Hub: "Carrots aren't mature enough to consent. So it's obviously rape."
Me: "How do you know how carrots age? They could be of consenting age."
Hub: "AMANDA! They are BABY carrots."
Me: "Touche Hub, touche. Nala! Stop raping the carrots!"
During the whole conversation, and even after, Nala continued to rape the carrots. Even going as far as sticking her head in the bag and rolling all around. It was rather cute. She was acting like she was on cat nip, just without the nip.
Oh yea, and today's fact is:
#702: "On average, a laptop uses half as much energy as a desktop computer."
Snapple, why do you assume your consumers care about energy and it's conservation? I would much rather have a fact about velcoraptors or jungles or tooth fungus or Ebola, almost anything but energy.
Situation set-up: Hub is in recliner, I'm on couch with bag of baby carrots and cup 'o ranch, eating the carrots. Nala is attacking the bag of carrots because for some unknown reason, she loves bags of carrots (see earlier post with picture of her with a bag of carrots).
Hub: "Nala! Stop raping the carrots!"
Me: "How do you know it's rape? They could be consenting carrots. You just don't speak carrot so you don't know."
Hub: "Carrots aren't mature enough to consent. So it's obviously rape."
Me: "How do you know how carrots age? They could be of consenting age."
Hub: "AMANDA! They are BABY carrots."
Me: "Touche Hub, touche. Nala! Stop raping the carrots!"
During the whole conversation, and even after, Nala continued to rape the carrots. Even going as far as sticking her head in the bag and rolling all around. It was rather cute. She was acting like she was on cat nip, just without the nip.
Oh yea, and today's fact is:
#702: "On average, a laptop uses half as much energy as a desktop computer."
Snapple, why do you assume your consumers care about energy and it's conservation? I would much rather have a fact about velcoraptors or jungles or tooth fungus or Ebola, almost anything but energy.
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