Nice title, eh? You'll understand later, eh. I've decided to go Canadian for the day, eh. Haha, eh. Just kidding. I'm lazy and that's a lot of extra letter typing.
#701. "It takes more water to fill a bathtub than it does to enjoy an average-length shower."
Ok Snapple. What is the length of an average shower? Because Hub's average shower is like 7 minutes whereas mine is about 17 minutes. At least. That's because I have ridiculously long hair. As my sister-in-law so eloquently put it on Sunday.
sis-in-law: "Amanda, I love your hair. It's almost to your butt."
me: "I know. It needs cut."
sis-in-law: "I wish I had butt hair."
dustin (cousin): "You can have mine." <-- we were all thinking this response, but he was just the fastest to get it out. That's what she said.
sis-in-law (as everyone else is cracking up): "I didn't mean like that..."
I just came to the realization that Justin Timberlake can make any two words rhyme. In his new song he rhymes errors and areas. Go ahead, say them aloud. They do not rhyme. But when JT (my nickname for Justin-because we are so close we have nicknames for each other) uses them, he forces them to rhyme. With his sheer handsome-self-hot-body-crazy-good-dancer skills. He is like a word rhyming ninja. He could probably make a word rhyme with orange or purple or silver. What's with all the unrhymable words in English being colors? Spellcheck just informed me that unrhymable is misspelled but it has no suggestions. Maybe it's supposed to be imrhymable or inrhymable? Nope. It didn't like those either. Screw you spellcheck, I'm leaving them. Stupid spellcheck.
Side note: anyone else notice how much I personify inanimate objects? I bet that isn't healthy. I mean, how can spellcheck (the inanimate object) be stupid. That implies that spellcheck lacks intelligence, but inanimate objects can't be intelligent in the first place.
Double side note: I have no idea if personify is the real word I want, but it's what spellcheck suggested, so I'm going with it.
Triple side note: I explain stuff like I'm speaking to 2nd graders (see the explanation of what the inanimate object was-haha. I did it again). The reason is either that I'm used to that from my guard girls and work or if subconsciously that's my target audience. I hope that's not my target audience. I don't think 7 year olds understand that's what she said jokes.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
two of 2: math and it's crazy love.
2 blogs in one day. What was I thinking.
Fact #812 "111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321"
Who doesn't love a little math fact? I love me some math. I am totally a math nerd. I have a math minor from college, for no reason other then the fact that I loved math and wanted to take some math classes. Who passed Calculus 3 with an A? This girl. With more total points then hub? This girl. (Take that hub!!) I just almost made a reference to a very horrible racial stereotype but was able to control myself. Cookie for me. I wish real life worked like multiply. Now your saying, it does, that's why we have multiplication. What I mean is that I wish I could take two cookies and multiple them by each other and get four instead of just two. Ok. That statement didnt make any sense. Let me better explain. I wish if I had two piles of three cookies in each pile (say Samoes), I could multiply those two piles together and get nine. But I can't. I can only add them together and get six. Which is not nearly as meaning as nine. And, that would knock those little monopolizing girl scouts off their pedestals. I thought monopolies were illegal?! They sell those dang things one time a year for like two days. And the girl scouts are harder to find then fairies if you don't have kids of your own. I just want to go to the elementary school playground and start waiving my money around begging for a girl scout but I would probably be arrested for being a creepy child stalker. At least I don't own a van. But seriously, those little brats are like the mafia with their cookies. And they jack the price every year, and cut down on the number of cookies in a box every year too. They are drug dealers. The shortest, cutest, best dressed, most well organized drug dealers I've ever met. How many drug dealers have I met? Remember (or just learn), that I work at a law office and before that worked at a court, so I've met more then the average person. I could hook you up if I really wanted. Except for with girl scout cookies. Because the two-day window is over. I think next year I am going to buy about a million dollars worth and freeze them. Side note: Edy's has girl scout cookie flavored ice cream (with pieces of the real cookies and everything)! I have a quart of Samoes ice cream in my freezer. And its delicious. And about three months later, when everyone just finished their last thin mint that they had been saving for two months and 30 days (because everyone knows the second you get the box you rip it open and devour almost all of those heavenly things until you realize that is all you have to last the next year and you feel guilty for leaving only one, besides the crumbs of the others that flew out of your mouth) is gone and they are jonesing for their cookie fix, I will pull my frozen cookies out, hit ebay, and make five million dollars. A day. I will jack those prices up higher then the girl scout cookies. I'll sell them in baggies. Like a drug dealer. Just cleaner, and less unhealthy (double negative=positive). I will run my own monopoly on girl scout cookies. And teach those little brat girl scouts a lesson or two. They will rue the day they withhold their cookies from me.
Fact #812 "111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321"
Who doesn't love a little math fact? I love me some math. I am totally a math nerd. I have a math minor from college, for no reason other then the fact that I loved math and wanted to take some math classes. Who passed Calculus 3 with an A? This girl. With more total points then hub? This girl. (Take that hub!!) I just almost made a reference to a very horrible racial stereotype but was able to control myself. Cookie for me. I wish real life worked like multiply. Now your saying, it does, that's why we have multiplication. What I mean is that I wish I could take two cookies and multiple them by each other and get four instead of just two. Ok. That statement didnt make any sense. Let me better explain. I wish if I had two piles of three cookies in each pile (say Samoes), I could multiply those two piles together and get nine. But I can't. I can only add them together and get six. Which is not nearly as meaning as nine. And, that would knock those little monopolizing girl scouts off their pedestals. I thought monopolies were illegal?! They sell those dang things one time a year for like two days. And the girl scouts are harder to find then fairies if you don't have kids of your own. I just want to go to the elementary school playground and start waiving my money around begging for a girl scout but I would probably be arrested for being a creepy child stalker. At least I don't own a van. But seriously, those little brats are like the mafia with their cookies. And they jack the price every year, and cut down on the number of cookies in a box every year too. They are drug dealers. The shortest, cutest, best dressed, most well organized drug dealers I've ever met. How many drug dealers have I met? Remember (or just learn), that I work at a law office and before that worked at a court, so I've met more then the average person. I could hook you up if I really wanted. Except for with girl scout cookies. Because the two-day window is over. I think next year I am going to buy about a million dollars worth and freeze them. Side note: Edy's has girl scout cookie flavored ice cream (with pieces of the real cookies and everything)! I have a quart of Samoes ice cream in my freezer. And its delicious. And about three months later, when everyone just finished their last thin mint that they had been saving for two months and 30 days (because everyone knows the second you get the box you rip it open and devour almost all of those heavenly things until you realize that is all you have to last the next year and you feel guilty for leaving only one, besides the crumbs of the others that flew out of your mouth) is gone and they are jonesing for their cookie fix, I will pull my frozen cookies out, hit ebay, and make five million dollars. A day. I will jack those prices up higher then the girl scout cookies. I'll sell them in baggies. Like a drug dealer. Just cleaner, and less unhealthy (double negative=positive). I will run my own monopoly on girl scout cookies. And teach those little brat girl scouts a lesson or two. They will rue the day they withhold their cookies from me.
1 of two: lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my!
This is the first of two blogs for today, as promised yesterday.
#764 "The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers."
Totally awesomest fact yet. I heart me some lions (well, any cats in general. Remember, would be crazy cat lady without hub?). I wonder if the same is true for house cats. Because my cats are always terrorizing something when we're gone, and then we never have evidence to convict one of them, so we can't take it to jury trial for jail time. But, with muzzle prints we could enter a new, higher percentage of crime catching days in my house. I only have three cats, and Bubbie just lays around a lot so I'm usually 99% sure he wasn't the perpetrator. But that leaves two, sweet little monsters. Who are totally hard to punish because they are oso cute. (oso=bear in spanish. two random facts in one day! And the second didn't even come from Snapple. I'm just blowing your minds with knowledge. I apologize for any mind congestion this may cause.) I'll always remember oso=bear in spanish because of one of the girls in my Spanish 2 class. She said "I remember because the teddy bear is OH SO cute. Get it?" I also know muneca (with the little ~ over the n)=wrist and vaca=cow. But that's about all I got. So if you ever need to say your bear-cow's (or cow-bear) wrist, I'm the woman for you. Actually, probably not. Because I can never remember which comes first, or how to show possession. So if you need someone to just say the words cow, wrist, and bear in a row, I'm your person. Other then that, I'm of no use.
Anyways, back to the convicting of my sweet little angel monsters. It's hard to discipline them because they just look at you with their cute little faces and open their eyes extra big. Like this:
Then I'm all distracted with their cuteness and forget I was lecturing them on the mechanics of water bowls and the concept that water is not meant for the floor or that we don't eat stuff off the floor unless mommy put it there for them to eat or we eat bugs, we don't torture them for 20 minutes then kill them and leave the carcass there because it's no fun anymore.
This is the conversation hub and I had last night.
Me: I am really sick of these 26 songs on my stupid iFan. I wish I could get my songs back.
Hub: Just put all your CDs on the new laptop and sync it that way.
Me: I did that. On the old computer. And it took me 2 months, a least.
Hub: Oh. That sucks.
Gee, honey. Thanks. I know. And, remember, this is all your (and Steve Jobs) fault. And if you're not careful, some of those punishments for Mr. Jobs might happen to you. Especially something involving raptors. Because they are awesome. Or the little chicken raptors like in Lost World. They look all cute and tiny and innocent and then 10,000 eat you. Hub, you should probably sleep with one eye open from now on.
#764 "The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers."
Totally awesomest fact yet. I heart me some lions (well, any cats in general. Remember, would be crazy cat lady without hub?). I wonder if the same is true for house cats. Because my cats are always terrorizing something when we're gone, and then we never have evidence to convict one of them, so we can't take it to jury trial for jail time. But, with muzzle prints we could enter a new, higher percentage of crime catching days in my house. I only have three cats, and Bubbie just lays around a lot so I'm usually 99% sure he wasn't the perpetrator. But that leaves two, sweet little monsters. Who are totally hard to punish because they are oso cute. (oso=bear in spanish. two random facts in one day! And the second didn't even come from Snapple. I'm just blowing your minds with knowledge. I apologize for any mind congestion this may cause.) I'll always remember oso=bear in spanish because of one of the girls in my Spanish 2 class. She said "I remember because the teddy bear is OH SO cute. Get it?" I also know muneca (with the little ~ over the n)=wrist and vaca=cow. But that's about all I got. So if you ever need to say your bear-cow's (or cow-bear) wrist, I'm the woman for you. Actually, probably not. Because I can never remember which comes first, or how to show possession. So if you need someone to just say the words cow, wrist, and bear in a row, I'm your person. Other then that, I'm of no use.
Anyways, back to the convicting of my sweet little angel monsters. It's hard to discipline them because they just look at you with their cute little faces and open their eyes extra big. Like this:
Then I'm all distracted with their cuteness and forget I was lecturing them on the mechanics of water bowls and the concept that water is not meant for the floor or that we don't eat stuff off the floor unless mommy put it there for them to eat or we eat bugs, we don't torture them for 20 minutes then kill them and leave the carcass there because it's no fun anymore.
This is the conversation hub and I had last night.
Me: I am really sick of these 26 songs on my stupid iFan. I wish I could get my songs back.
Hub: Just put all your CDs on the new laptop and sync it that way.
Me: I did that. On the old computer. And it took me 2 months, a least.
Hub: Oh. That sucks.
Gee, honey. Thanks. I know. And, remember, this is all your (and Steve Jobs) fault. And if you're not careful, some of those punishments for Mr. Jobs might happen to you. Especially something involving raptors. Because they are awesome. Or the little chicken raptors like in Lost World. They look all cute and tiny and innocent and then 10,000 eat you. Hub, you should probably sleep with one eye open from now on.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
update
I don't have time to blog tonight. Brandon is working on his sermon for this weekend and the computer has 11 minutes on its battery left. But I promise to blog twice tomorrow, with today's and tomorrow's Snapple fact. Promise.
Monday, April 5, 2010
A Hacker Takes Over!
And a hacker takes over for a Slacker one day.....
First and foremost, getting ready to watch little Butler take on big Duke. Hopefully the little guy/underdog gets the win!
According to Facebook post, the Snapple fact of the day is 'The ridges on the sides of coins are called reeding or milling.' And I just thought the edges were for use with scratch off's. But 'reeding' seems to be a term from the Renaissance referring to ornamentation. Cool, did they use swords to do that. You've heard of shooting an apple off a head, but cutting ridges on the edge a coin with a sword, oops that's not good what I envisioned. Got bloody, never mind....
No fact number in case you are marking them all off. How many are there though? I started with a list of 1000, so not knowing the number really messes up my list.....
And she thought her husband is a nerd...
Speaking of no number, sorry but the last one was wrong.... It should have been 'The first bicycle was called a hobby horse.' And there is another one without a number. My list goes deeper into dismay...
Oh wait, this blog is supposed to be humorous.. Ok a joke... There once was a man from nantucket... Oh can't do that one.. Ok..
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a “Living Will”
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.
Tell me you didn't laugh!
Well, I guess I've done enough damage.
GO BUTLER!!!!!
First and foremost, getting ready to watch little Butler take on big Duke. Hopefully the little guy/underdog gets the win!
According to Facebook post, the Snapple fact of the day is 'The ridges on the sides of coins are called reeding or milling.' And I just thought the edges were for use with scratch off's. But 'reeding' seems to be a term from the Renaissance referring to ornamentation. Cool, did they use swords to do that. You've heard of shooting an apple off a head, but cutting ridges on the edge a coin with a sword, oops that's not good what I envisioned. Got bloody, never mind....
No fact number in case you are marking them all off. How many are there though? I started with a list of 1000, so not knowing the number really messes up my list.....
And she thought her husband is a nerd...
Speaking of no number, sorry but the last one was wrong.... It should have been 'The first bicycle was called a hobby horse.' And there is another one without a number. My list goes deeper into dismay...
Oh wait, this blog is supposed to be humorous.. Ok a joke... There once was a man from nantucket... Oh can't do that one.. Ok..
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a “Living Will”
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.
Tell me you didn't laugh!
Well, I guess I've done enough damage.
GO BUTLER!!!!!
Friday, April 2, 2010
no snapple fact, but bored so blogging
I could probably do a fact if I really wanted to, but the fact is in the kitchen. And I'm not. And I'm lazy. And in pain. So I don't want to get up. So hahahaha. And Alice is laying on me so I don't want to disturb her cuteness.
Went to the chiropractor today. Had my first X-rays ever, besides by a dentist. Hope my insides didn't melt. Haven't seemed to die yet, so that's a great sign, I think. Go back Monday to go over x-rays and start treatment. Exciting news, uh?
I'm trying to think of something funny, but not working well under pressure. My computer is also flashing that it's about to die. I'm not good under pressure. IT'S RED ICING!!! You weren't there, you don't understand the pressure!!
I remember the Snapple fact I was going to use. Don't remember the number but it was "The first rocking horse was called a hobbyhorse."
I like rocking horses. They are fun. So are rocking chairs. I like to rock until you almost tip over. Adds a little excitement to live. Salim, where is Latika?
Went to the chiropractor today. Had my first X-rays ever, besides by a dentist. Hope my insides didn't melt. Haven't seemed to die yet, so that's a great sign, I think. Go back Monday to go over x-rays and start treatment. Exciting news, uh?
I'm trying to think of something funny, but not working well under pressure. My computer is also flashing that it's about to die. I'm not good under pressure. IT'S RED ICING!!! You weren't there, you don't understand the pressure!!
I remember the Snapple fact I was going to use. Don't remember the number but it was "The first rocking horse was called a hobbyhorse."
I like rocking horses. They are fun. So are rocking chairs. I like to rock until you almost tip over. Adds a little excitement to live. Salim, where is Latika?
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Capitalizing Letters For No Reason
I like capitalizing letters for no reason. It makes people wonder. Example:
Me via text msg: Hub (my new nick-name for Brandon on here, because Brandon is long to type out, and to provide him a little anonymity [side note: I totally spelled anonymity all by myself without spellcheck!]) can you bring home Basket?
Now Hub has to wonder if I have a new friend named Basket he needs to bring over, some strange brand name of something, or I'm just weird and capitalize letters for no reason.
Why Hub you ask? Well, husband is just as long as Brandon so that doesn't help, he doesn't like when I call him Brand so can't go with that one, Hubbie is almost as long as Brandon also, and Hub just seems to fit. Maybe I'll start calling him that in person too and see if he takes to it.
But, today is Friday!! Not by the calander, but by this-is-the-last-day-of-the-work-week standards, it's Friday. Which is uber-exciting! I can sleep in tomorrow and Saturday! Woo hoo!!!!! I my new bed!! But let's get to the Snapple fact and then I will tell you about my bed.
Fact #710. "A tankless water heater uses half the energy of a standard model."
Interesting to know Snapple. I don't even know what the difference is between the two. As long as my water is hot, I could really care less. But, this fact is pretty boring. It sounds more like an advertisement for appliances. Or like that commercial with the guy and, nevermind. It takes a lot of work to describe it on here, and you probably won't even remember it. I was hoping for a fun, inspiring fact today. But that's ok. I'll forgive you Snapple. I would have rather found out which color crayon is eaten most by Kindergartens or something. I guarantee it's not black. Because black always runs out first and they fight over it.
So, got the new bed yesterday. Went to bed last night. Super comfortable. Except for my back decided to start hurting again. It was like, "no, you don't want to sleep well in your new bed. That's silly. Instead, roll around all night in pain trying to find a comfortable position, which is impossible. Haha!" So that was my night. And so I hit the snooze like six times this morning. Fin.
Me via text msg: Hub (my new nick-name for Brandon on here, because Brandon is long to type out, and to provide him a little anonymity [side note: I totally spelled anonymity all by myself without spellcheck!]) can you bring home Basket?
Now Hub has to wonder if I have a new friend named Basket he needs to bring over, some strange brand name of something, or I'm just weird and capitalize letters for no reason.
Why Hub you ask? Well, husband is just as long as Brandon so that doesn't help, he doesn't like when I call him Brand so can't go with that one, Hubbie is almost as long as Brandon also, and Hub just seems to fit. Maybe I'll start calling him that in person too and see if he takes to it.
But, today is Friday!! Not by the calander, but by this-is-the-last-day-of-the-work-week standards, it's Friday. Which is uber-exciting! I can sleep in tomorrow and Saturday! Woo hoo!!!!! I my new bed!! But let's get to the Snapple fact and then I will tell you about my bed.
Fact #710. "A tankless water heater uses half the energy of a standard model."
Interesting to know Snapple. I don't even know what the difference is between the two. As long as my water is hot, I could really care less. But, this fact is pretty boring. It sounds more like an advertisement for appliances. Or like that commercial with the guy and, nevermind. It takes a lot of work to describe it on here, and you probably won't even remember it. I was hoping for a fun, inspiring fact today. But that's ok. I'll forgive you Snapple. I would have rather found out which color crayon is eaten most by Kindergartens or something. I guarantee it's not black. Because black always runs out first and they fight over it.
So, got the new bed yesterday. Went to bed last night. Super comfortable. Except for my back decided to start hurting again. It was like, "no, you don't want to sleep well in your new bed. That's silly. Instead, roll around all night in pain trying to find a comfortable position, which is impossible. Haha!" So that was my night. And so I hit the snooze like six times this morning. Fin.
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