Was that guy just carrying a machine gun?

I could really use a day off.  I do get to see "Hairspray" at Derby Dinner Playhouse tonight though, so that's fun and exciting.  I hope I don't sleep through it. 

Totally saw a guy walking down the street today with what appeared to my peripheral vision to be a black machine gun.  Which elicited a second look.  And an adrenaline rush.  Upon further inspection, the machine gun morphed into an umbrella.  But it was too late for my adrenal gland to stop and I was soon hyped up on adrenaline with no vans to stop (note the Twilight reference here).  My body was ready to race ahead of this crazed white-middle-aged, dress shirt wearing terrorist and save the whole city.  Although my body was ready to save the city, the city didn't really need saved.  It also probably isn't ready for me yet.  I take some getting used to. 

This abundance of adrenaline and lack of city to save led to abnormal twitching and fidgeting from me and jumping at every noise, even if said noise came from my shoe meeting the floor.  And I twitch and fidget a lot normally, so abnormal levels for me are serious business.  That was fine, except I had no work needing to be done, so I was lost in the internets, cracked out on adrenaline and no outlet for said energy.  Second problem is the now point.  Where all that nice adrenaline has been used up with my twitching and now I'm exhausted like I just ran a marathon.  So, thank you guy toting a machine gun that upon inspection from other humans disguises itself as an innocent looking umbrella. 

# 861 "South Carolina is home to the first tea farm in the U.S."
Really boring fact if you ask me.  My machine gun toting terrorist is seventeen times (at least) more interesting.

Things learned this past week:
* Hub is a horrible auction bid placer.  He only wanted to win one or two things at a silent auction at work.  We are now the proud owners of tickets to the Louisville Science Center, Tinseltown movie theater, Frazier History Museum, and the Creation Museum.
* Hub's co-workers are slowly catching on to is nerdiness.  The lady he picked is winnings up from asked what he wont again.  And then went "oh yea, you got all the museum tickets." haha
* Don't plan events.  Just don't do it.  Especially if you are a perfectionist and a procrastinator all in one. (Which I'm convinced is some cruel joke from God.)  Also don't do it if in general you do things well or above expectations.  Because the situation will probably follow the norm.  And now you're in deep crap because you will be in charge of everything.  Forever.
* Hub says some funny stuff sometimes.  Sunday in the middle of me bossing him around (he kept asking what I wanted him to do so it was okay) and getting everything for vow renewal for my in-laws, Hub goes "If I didn't think it would equal a lot of work for me, I'd tell you to start catering as a job."  haha.  I love you Hub.  Although, I think I could be an event planned.  They just wear those cool headset things and yell at people and boss everyone around.  Which I'm totally awesome at.  I love playing with (and usually breaking...see iFan blogs) fancy electronics, am great at bossing people around - have been practicing this for my entire life, and actually love yelling at people-just ask my color guard girls.  So if anyone knows how I would go about becoming an event planner, let me know.  We might have just discovered my calling in life.  About dang time. 
* Sharp knifes will cut you.  Especially once they get the taste of your blood.  They will come back for more.

i hate mondays.

I hate Mondays. They can crawl back under the rock they came from and never come back out. Sorry don't have time to talk about the fact, but I will at least give it to you. (That's what she said.)

#839. "A cucumber consists of 96% water."

No wonder they have no flavor. (That's what she said, again.)

Horse or Ho?

I was listening to the radio this morning and heard the greatest game ever. "Horse or Ho?". The DJs had someone on the line and they would read them a name and that person had to guess if it was a hores's name or a ho's name. I totally rocked the game. Of course I was just in my car playing along, but still, I beat the caller. I do live in the Louisville area and it's less then two weeks till Derby, which is what caused this game, but I'm thinking we could take this game to primetime and make some real money. Who wouldn't tune in for 30 minutes of horse or ho? We could also expand to other horizons like 'holiday candy or stripper' (in which candy cane would be exceptable for both), etc. It could air right after "Ha ha now you're poor". Which is another awesome game show. If you haven't heard the concept of this game show, go watch Daniel Tosh's first Comedy Central special. Now.

#908 "In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be taken away by law if the driver is deemed either "unbathed" or "poorly dressed.""

Those Greeks are serious about cleanliness. They aren't screwing around. We couldn't have rules like that here. All Kentucky drivers would lose their licenses. Which actually might be a good thing.
Side note: I'm either losing my mind and hearing weird car horn/alarm sounds or something is going down outside. Either way, the noise is driving me crazy.

Sleep, who needs that?!

Hi. My brain decided it wanted to wake up at 4:22 a.m. today and keep me up for the next hour running through absolutely everything I need to do like two days ago. Including stuff I've forgotten to do, basically for my entire life. My brain made me feel like a real slacker. And then I was all tired when my alarm went off this morning. Dumb brain.

Side note: Being the planner of your family can lead to little to no sleep when you get to plan the big events for your loved ones. Don't say I haven't warned you.
Another side note: Windows Media Live Movie Maker is about to get drop kicked down the road. Why won't it just play full-screen?!!?!

#848. "Wild camels once ramed Arizon's deserts."
What's the difference between a wild camel and a unwild camel? Do wild camels flash the camera during spring break? Or is this a reference to some new form of cigarettes that grew legs and can now be hunted in Arizona? Did you know it's not really water, but fat, in a camel's hump? Now you do. Two facts in one day. That's your Tuesday special. And how do they prove that wild camels used to roam Arizona? Just because they found bones belonging to camels in Arizona (which I'm presuming is how they came up with this fact) doesn't mean they roamed free. The ancient Arizonians might have had a zoo in that area and that's where the camel's were kept. Maybe they have found cave paintings of the wild camels. That would be awesome - a cave painting of a wild camel flashing the painter. Crazy, drunk, spring break camels. Their parents will be so proud. And that's why you don't let teenage camels go to Florida unsupervised.

Good thing I haven't quit my day job.

I suck as a blogger. Three days without blogging?! Good thing I haven't quit my day job to earn money as a blogger. I'd be eating off the street by now. I could explain how I've actually had stuff to do at work, or got to leave early, and had to write guard work, and plan a vow renewal for my in-laws, etc. But it probably just sounds like bluh blah blah to your ears, so I won't waste my time.

#771. "Some dinosaurs were as small as chickens."
Duh Snapple. We've all seen "Jurassic Park: The Lost World". Those little chicken dinosaurs will eat the crap out of you. They are the ultimate gang. I bet the chicken dino gang could take out any gang we measly humans could conjure up. They'd be all "What, you have guns? Bring it. We have teeth, and millions of us, and we're super fast. Bring it!" Look at that. I just solved our country's gang problems. Actually the world's gang problems. Just pull some Crichton-esque magic and bring those chicken dino's back. We can call the chicken dino's gang the "CDG" (for chicken dino gang). Maybe we shouldn't call them that. It's a little close to the KGB. Naw, it'll be ok. The history classes in this country don't teach crap and the school systems pretty much stink so no one will get the connection. And if they do, we'll gas them. Haha. Get it. Too soon? Too soon.

Birds are nesting, trees are blooming, girls are whore-ing it up. It must be spring.

I am loving this weather. Cold weather and I don't get along. At all. I didn't post yesterday. What a loser. I was playing tax accountant all afternoon and didn't get a chance.

#731 (anyone else notice how many large numbers I keep getting?)
"There are over 2,000 different species of cactuses."

Interesting fact, Snapple. Here's my problem with that statement. Everyone knows that it is cacti, not cactuses. Even spellcheck had a problem with cactuses (and not with cacti, take that spellcheck!). And if you don't know that, go watch the Donkey Show 2 (I think-it might be the 1st movie, I don't remember) and you will learn that it's cacti, but you don't care because they hurt. For those that don't know, the Donkey Show is what I always referred to Jacka$$ as because I prefer to avoid cussing. And because it's always fun to have weird names for stuff so other people that don't know you but overhear (see eavesdrop) on your conversation get confused. That's what they get for being nosey. Says the nosey, people-watcher.

I was perusing the Snapple website the other day (hoping that I could order straight from the source, but no such luck) and discovered that they are having a contest for entries of the best Snapple Factoid, and the winner gets their fact on Snapple and like a year's supply of Snapple (they have no idea how much Snapple that is for me.). So, everyone go make entries, and then if you win, you can help supply me with Snapple.

Taylor Swift has multiple personalities

There, I said it. Go ahead, hate me, I don't mind. In my scientific, official opinion, Taylor Swift has DID (Dissociative Personality Disorder a.k.a. Multiple Personality Disorder). Here's my evidence.

Compare "Today was a Fairy Tale" versus "White Horse".
"Today was a fairytale, you were the prince" versus "I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale"

End of evidence. That's all that's needed. One song life isn't a fairy tale and the other song life is. She needs to be put into a padded cell for everyone's safety. That was my epiphany of the day.

Fact #905 "The side of a hammer is called a cheek."
That kinda makes sense. If part of the hammer is called the head, then the side of that is the cheek. Nothing funny coming to mind. I'm trying, I promise. But nothing is coming. So instead we'll do cute/funny pictures.


This is the monster in my shower.


This is Alice trying to free her good twin from the other side. (It's not her evil twin because I suspect she might be the evil one.)


Nala loves carrots.


You thought the monster in the shower was scary.


So many mousies, so little time.


Ahhhh!!! Popcorn slug monster!

And final pic.


Me and hub.