Apple is still on my hate list. But at least I get a bed today.

So, if anyone is wondering about my second post yesterday, I will share the tragedy. That gem was posted less then a minute after iTunes decided it eat the songs on my iPhone like they were skittles. All 834 of them. Greedy bastard. My brain was racing from deciding to cry, scream, throw the new laptop (luckily I talked my brain down from this one, b/c Brandon would have been extremely upset with this), launch my iPhone out of a rocket shooter, punch something, or blog angrily. My brain was leaning towards the rocket launcher thing, but luckily I talked it down to the blogging choice. We also don't own a rocket launcher but that's besides the point. I was all jacked up on adrenaline and anger so logic didn't matter. After blogging, I pushed my iFan (I decided I'm not going to call it by its real name because it can't do its job correctly) off the arm of the recliner and it landed about 3 feet away where it stayed in time-out for about an hour. I then proceeded to madly think of some good songs to download to shove on iFan so I would have something to listen to at work. That's the real problem. iFan provides me with roughly 8 hours of music at work, every day. I have iFan music and Snapple to get me through the day. And without either of those, the crap hits the fan. I know I could listen to the radio on it, but it's not the same. If the radio decides to play Brittney Spears, I'm stuck listening to it. Can't skip on the radio. Other problem, I spent about 4-5 weeks getting all those songs onto that stupid iFan. Now you're saying, just re-syncing iFan with the computer with all those songs. Well see, the problem is that that computer is our old slower-than-dirt computer that is no longer hooked up to anything. Now, Amanda, why didn't you save all those songs onto something in case your iFan freaked out? I wanted to. But Brandon was all "its soo slow and already unhooked and you don't really need it..bluh bluh bluh." And yes. I am blaming this ALL on Brandon. That's what husbands are for. Blaming crap on. And it is his fault. Let me present all the reasons it is his fault.
Reasons it's Brandon's fault that iTunes ate my songs like skittles:
1. The song I was trying to get on my iFan was "red light". A country song he introduced me too.
2. He bought me iFan in the first place.
3. He is the one that bought me a new bed (which is being delivered today, three weeks ahead of schedule). I think karma noticed the scales were unbalanced since I was getting my awesome bed early, and that's why karma whispered in iTunes' ear that my songs tasted like Skittles and put the idea in its head. The scales are even I believe.
4. He wasn't home to help me with my technology problems. I could have discussed my process with him before doing it and probably wouldn't be in this predicament.
5. Everything is his fault.

So I now have 26 (well, there's 27 but one isn't even the song it's supposed to be so I don't wanna listen to it) to listen to for 8 hours today. Instead of 834. And the prospect of spending who-knows how many hours to get my iFan back to where it was pre-Skittles monster.

I also decided that it is all Steve Jobes (or whatever is name is) fault. Because he created Apple. And it was the Apple website that led me to the slaughter. (I was following step-by-step directions on their website. Another rant, another day) So I've been working on a list of things to do to get back at him for this travesty.
What Steve Jobes has coming to him:
1. Something involving a velicoraptor. Because they are awesome.
2. Change all his clocks to be 27 minutes behind. So he's late for everything.
3. Take him avian flu infected meatloaf. (It's ok. It's not as deadly as everyone makes it sound. I would use H1N1 but he probably got that shot so it would just be funny tasting meatloaf.)
4. Release a goose into his home. Not a nice, mother goose-y goose, but a deadly killer goose.
5. Shave all of his pets and spray paint them neon-pink.
6. Replace all of his computers with PCs. Not that PCs' suck. Because that's what I use. But because he is the creator of Apple, which makes it ironic.
7. Cut all of his shoelaces short, so he can't tie any of his shoes.
8. Something involving velcro. Because I like the sound it makes when you tear the two pieces apart. Maybe something involving velcro and raptors together, because that would be full of awesome-ness. It would be so awesome it would probably create an black hole that just sucked up unawesome stuff. Like Steve Jobes.

These are just a beginning. If you have an ideas, feel free to submit. Who doesn't love a diabolical plan?!
Side note: Spellcheck does not include Velicoraptor. Which I'm probably spelling incorrectly. But Spellcheck isn't helping so tough luck. And I just noticed how my spelling of Velicoraptor and velcro is very close. Coincidence? I think not.

Ok. Snapple fact of the day.

Fact #854. "Hawaii is the only U.S. state that grows coffee."
I hate coffee. But I love Hawaii. Well, I love the idea of Hawaii. Never been, so not positive I love, but pretty sure. But, now that I know this, I might like Hawaii less. Especially if it smells like coffee. I absolutely hate the smell of coffee. You're screaming "unamerican" and throwing apple pies on me right now, but I'm sorry. I hate the smell of coffee. It's from 6 years of hostessing and waiting tables and serving the nasty crap. So the smell reminds me of that. It also tastes horrible. I don't want to drink something that I have to add a ton of stuff (sugar, creamer, milk, babies, etc.) to be able to stand the taste. Not my cup of tea. or coffee. Because, even after adding all the above mentioned things, it still doesn't taste good! But, I can't control everyone, yet, unfortunately. Although I am making plans to change that. So, continue drinking your coffee. And assaulting my nostrils with the putrid smell.

Just googled velociraptor. found out the correct spelling. but I'm lazy and like my spelling better. Also googled Steve Jobs. also too lazy to fix his name. Maybe that can be another part of the plan. Convince everyone his name is spelled Jobes.

Apple can go to hell

Apple can go straight to heck. Seriously. I hate everything about you.

*insert witty comment here*

I'm still feeling bluh (thanks to my horrible husband. Horrible b/c he writes boring blogs and because he shared his germs with me.), but writing my own blog today, just to save you guys from Brandon. At least you got cute kitty pictures out of the deal.

Fact #761. "Owls are one of the only birds that can see the color blue."

How did someone figure this out? Maybe that's what the owls are saying "Blue blue" and not "Whoo hoo" or whatever they are teaching kids that owls say now-a-days. Or maybe since they can see blue they are sad all the time and they are saying "boo hoo" and crying? I wonder what an owl would say if it read my blog. Probably - that blew. (get it, blew=blue?! Sorry. I do really hate puns. I will flog myself for it when finished writing this.) That's probably why owls are so smart too. Or not.

I saw a Snapple commercial last night and it made me smile. I like Snapple. Very addictive. Like Zaxby's. I think they use crack in their sauces. Because that place is addictive. You know what else is addictive? Sudoku. I can't do just one of those things. I sit down, and next thing I know, it's three days later and birds are nesting in my hair and I've forgotten to eat or pee or brush my teeth.

My Wife is Lazy

Because my wife is being lazy today, she has given me, Brandon, approval to write her blog. It may not be as interesting because I don't have ADHD, but it should be much easier to follow. I personally don't drink snapple on a regular basis, and probably won't start, but the facts are somewhat interesting. Although, I would like to know who checks these so-called facts. Anyway, on with the fun:

Snapple Fact 673 - The average sea turtle can't reproduce until it's 25 years old.

I actually took the risk of googling sea turtle reproduction. According to Seaworld.org, Estimates of sexual maturity in sea turtles vary not only among species, but also among different populations of the same species. Maturity may range from as early as three years in hawksbills to 12-30 years in loggerheads to 20-50 years in green sea turtles. I think I would trust this more than a Snapple lid. The real question is, "What does Snapple mean by 'average sea turtle?'" If you put your head in an oven and your feet in a freezer, then you body temperature is average, but that doesn't mean that I would want to do either of those things.

At any rate, this is probably the last time you will hear from me. Once Amanda realizes how boring I made her blog, she will probably never let me write it again. It was fun sharing with you while it lasted. Have a great Monday!



Note from the actual blog writer: Sorry. I'm not lazy. Just sick. And Brandon had the computer and wasn't sharing so I told him to just write the blog today. And he jumped on the idea. Hopefully it will never happen again. Sorry he is soo boring. And I don't have ADHD. And I happen to think my blog is easy to follow. So I'll give you picutres of some cute little kitties to make up for the boring blog.

Ninjas, curtains, and paychecks

This is the first blog I'm writing not sitting at work. I had actually work to do today, so I'm lounging in my recliner writing this. Kinda exciting. I could totally get used to this. Start reading my blog people, so I can make a living blogging at home all day!!

Snapple fact, then onto my adventurous day.

Fact #746 "The only insect that can turn its head is a praying mantis."

I hypothesize this is so the female can turn away while she eats her mate. But they are totally the only insect that is a ninja. According to one of my friends, and I think I have to agree. I'm really not a fan of insects though. Especially crickets. Crickets should all be killed. And not just stomped, but like tortured then killed. My parents house has a problem with crickets in really hot summers (they have an older home with a basement that crickets love to live in). Specifically in the bathroom. I would see a cricket AFTER going in to use the bathroom, so I couldn't just jump up and run away. I would proceed to make a deal with said cricket that he would leave me alone and I wouldn't have him killed (my dad was the executor. I couldn't kill them. They might jump after me and chase me down the road.)until I was done going to the bathroom. If they refused to comply, I would cover them with a rug or magazine or towel or something else. Out of sight, out of mind.

So, today I decided to go to Walmart after work. Thinking that it's Friday night, with the tournament on, so there won't be many people shopping. I was completely wrong. Right before I walk out the door, my hubby decides I should get curtains and curtain rods for the whole house. We have blinds right now but they are slowly all breaking. So we quickly measure all the windows in the house and I leave with my shopping list.

I'm very indecisive, so picking out curtains for six different sets of windows is not easy. It took me almost an hour. That's a long time to look at curtains. And curtains get expensive, quickly. Especially curtains and rods for six sets of windows, definitely with two sets that are over 70 inches wide. Then the window curtains aren't exactly clear on how many you need for bigger windows. I was looking at 2 panel sets. And they said that a 70"+ window would need 4-5 panels. Does that need 2 2-panel sets or 4 2-panel sets?!? I mean, I have a math minor in college and can't figure this crap out!

By the end of my trip, I spent my entire paycheck on groceries and curtains. Hubby wasn't thrilled by this. Not in the least bit.

I'm going to include (or at least try to) pictures of my kitties that I referenced in an early blog. Since I'm at home, I'm on my laptop now, with some of my pictures available. A lot better then writing this at work, minimizing the window every few minutes because someone comes in, calls, or my boss walks by. But Alice is draped across my arms/hands/lap/laptop, which does complicate things.



That's my Nala bell.



That's Alice Mary.



That's evil Alice Mary. I think she is saying something along the lines of "touch my penguins, snowman, or santa and I will kill our whole family! And get that thermometer away from there!!!"



That Alice praying because she wanted something and I wouldn't give it to her or wouldn't let her do something. This happens at least three times a day.



And that's my Bubbie.

That's all the pictures for today. But don't worry, I have plenty of other cute pictures. You'll get more the next time I blog from home. Have a good night. Beware of ninjas. And crickets. And zombies. And ninja cricket zombies. Nevermind. If there's ninja cricket zombies we're all screwed.

stay at home moms and gold medals

Rainy day today. One of those days where you wanna curl up on the couch with a good book and hot chocolate and spend the afternoon in a different world. Instead I'm stuck at work, staring out the window trying not to fall asleep or die of boredom. Every few minutes I'll jab angerly at my IPod for playing a bad song (why can't it read my mind and play what I want. Come on Steve Jobs, why haven't you fixed that problem yet?!). Or jump in anticipation at the phone ringing only to see it isn't my line.



Have you ever looked for deeds at the recorders office? Sorry. Random question I just got from my boss. The answer is no. Maybe this afternoon will change that. Here's to hoping!



Now, on to the good stuff.



Fact # 814. "Tug-of-war was an Olympic sport in the early 1900s."

I have a gem of a wound story from childhood related to tug-of-war (and when I say related, I mean fifth cousin half removed-dogs-groomers-lawyers-brother related) which I will share later.

But really, tug-of-war as a sport? That's like curling as an Olympic sport. I mean, really? Lets put dodgeball and four-square and see-sawing in as sports too. Although see-sawing would be awesome. The larger people (the anchors from the tug-of-war team) could compete and always win. It's a game of who can last on the see-saw longest. Skinny people beware for butt bumps!!! Heck, lets just turn the Olympics into field day from elementary school. Force everyone to compete even if they don't want to. Especially in the relay races. Because who doesn't love to see a little fat kid lose by three minutes on the 100-yard dash. Screw training for your entire childhood, missing out on 'important' life-milestones (like prom, graduation, first hangover, etc.), and possibly damaging your body so bad that you can never function normally again. We are all winners, right?! At least that's what we're supposed to tell the kids.

Side note: I totally just saw two tweens/teens dancing out on the sidewalk. In the middle of the pouring rain. And it was really funny. They looked into the office window when finished and grinned and I waved. Totally made my day. Thanks rain-dancing kids!

But seriously, there are some sports that don't appear to be that difficult. Example: curling. Although I am like Bambi when I get on ice, most other people seem to be able to seem at least semi-coordinated on ice. She ability to function on ice, check for most of the population. Ability to use a broom, check. Ability to push an object in a straight line, check. I think we have curling covered. Heck, I know some stay-at-home moms that are awesome with a broom. They need to start training and win some medals in 2014! Who am I kidding, the winter olympics are like your best friend's little brother who follows you around everywhere yelling "what for me guys! I wanna play too guys!". We only watch them because they invade our TV and it's either the Winter Olympics, re-runs of Law & Order :*insert letters here* (because you can ALWAYS find some L&O or bastard child of L&O on TV. And don't let me fool you. I love me some CI and SVU), or the HSN, which happens to be selling collectible plates with winter olympic stars. Don't get me wrong, I completely respect the athletes and all the hard work they've done (I'm talking about the real athletes, not curlers or people who shoot guns, then run, then bike-because we can all do that-how many of us can do a triple axle and not land flat on our faces/butts). But who wants to watch something from Canada. I mean, really, it's Canada. Do have to hand it to the Canadians, they did up the ante a little when they made their track deadly. [Aside: my IPod totally just played "Ice Ice Baby". It's a sign from God.] That'll bring the crowds in. (Too soon? Sorry. Again, not hating on the athletes, and I send my sympathies out to Nodar Kumaritashvili's family and loved ones.) But the truth hurts. I mean, go type "winter olym" in google and one of the autocompletes is "winter Olympics 2010 death video". That's what our world has turned into.

Now that completely digressed. Who wants to hear about my painful childhood tug-of-war slightly related story?

So field day (irony, I think not), third grade (possibly fourth grade, my memory from that time is a little fuzzy. Everything was Alanis Moresette and Seventeen magazine and whatever else 8-year-olds do, because no 17 year old reads 17 magazine, only 15<>

After much shedding of tears and blood and skin, I am now blessed with a scar on each knee from my field day experience. No gold medals for me. Now that I think about this story, I should have sued the school. Dang.

Hump day. How appropriate?

I wonder if they have ever done a study to see if more babies are conceived on Wednesdays, or if the nickname is inappropriate and better suited for another day. I feel bad for some of the days of the week. Not all have nicknames. Margarita Monday, Hump day for Wednesday, Thirsty Thursdays, TGIF (not really a nickname but at least an acknowledgement). Saturday and Sunday are the weekend so they don't even need nicknames, because they are already so awesome. Poor Tuesday. I'm going to make up a nickname for Tuesday. "Sucks so bad they should have just named it Monday Part Deux". I know, kinda long right? But that's how I feel most Tuesdays so that's what I'm picking.

Snapple fact of the day.
#804. "There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar."

Who set down and figured this out? Probably some nerdy mathematician (I'm allowed to call them nerds because I have a math minor, which makes me part nerd). Maybe it was Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, because that totally seems like something he would do. As soon as I read this fact, I really wanted to sit down with a big bowl of change and find all the possible ways. But I'm at work so I would probably get in trouble. So no fact checking for me. But, my real question is why this fact is #804? It would be better if it was #293. My OCD brain likes when the universe lines up like that. Who knows, maybe if it lined up like that the planets would shake out of orbit or something and then we'd all be in trouble. Someone looks up and is like, "look at the shooting star" when it's really just Neptune flying by playing tag with one of Jupiter's moons. Then Pluto comes by crying and trying to catch up to play but the other planets just pick on it since it's 'not a planet anymore'.

So, I used to play this fun game with my best friends in middle school/high school. We would take the two most random things and try to connect them someway. It was like a strange version of Eight Degrees of Kevin Bacon but with everyday stuff and not just actors. You guys should come up with some random stuff and in my next blog we could connect them. (a.k.a. I'm really bored at work and want your help to entertain myself)

What's a fire and why does it burn!!??! Sorry. Rocking out to Little Mermaid tunes. And my IPod has decided that I need to listen to Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" every day. And I only have it on there from my future sister-in-laws baby shower. But everyday I have to skip past it. Or let it play and get bored half-way through and skip. Not that I don't like the song, I just get bored really easily. I even skip half-way through on songs that I really like. I just can't get too bored because I would get tired and then I'd fall asleep and then I'd get fired. Then I couldn't buy more Snapple and then no more fun facts. Side note: my stash of Snapple is nearing its end. If anyone knows where Snapple is sold (besides Meijer's-the only dealers I've found so far) please let me know! I wanna expand my Snapple flavor horizon and have tried all of Meijer's flavors.

Recap (so you're ready when the test comes around):
-Tuesday now = sucks so bad they should have just named it Monday part deux.
-#804=293 ways to make change for $1.
-Singer of Tiny Dance=Elton John
-Pluto gets made fun of by the other planets since it's not a planet anymore.
-I'm almost outta Snapple.
-As far as I know, Meijer is running a monopoly on Snapple.
-I labeled this post pirates, when I don't even talk about pirates in it.

And I wanna give a shout-out to an awesome website - www.gilbertsclass.com. This is a guy from my church and the website is super cool. Feel free to spell check his syllabi, etc. because he is an English teacher and it's fun to correct teachers.

Side note: I just sat here for five minutes staring out where I'd typed Meier's trying to figure out why it didn't look right (it's supposed to be Meijer's). Who puts a silent J in there. That j is completely superfluous. When I have kids I'm going to put a bunch of silent letters in their names just to be cruel (because that's why you have kids - to screw with them just like our parents did to us; my husband still high steps through crowds because he was tripped so much as a little kid). Or I'm going to name them Brock Lee (go ahead, say it to urself, now a little faster, now a little faster. Get it?). What if it's a girl you ask? Calli Flower. hahaha. I'm going to make a great parent one day.

POTATOES!

Good morning. I couldn't come up with a good title for today, so I just sent a shout out to one of my favorite foods. Let's just take a second and think about the awesomeness of potatoes. I mean fried, baked, steamed, mashed, scalloped, twice baked, bacon-covered, drowning in gravy, grilled, charbroiled, I could go on and on. Heck, I hate cheese, and love a little cheese on potatoes. Now that I'm super hungry, and 2+ hours away from lunch, lets move on.

Fact #716. "There is a museum of strawberries in Belgium."
Those crazy Belgiums. Although, the other thing they are known for is really good covered in strawberries, so it only makes sense that they have a strawberry museum. (Belgium waffles people, keep up!) Gosh, now we're talking about food again and my tummy is getting all rumbly. But, back to the strawberry museum. How does that even work? I mean, are they fake strawberries, or preserved strawberries (can you preserve a strawberry? And I don't mean like make it into a jelly, I mean save it in its original form forever), or do they just rotate their inventory and get a new display every few weeks. That's one way to get people to keep coming back. Promise a new show every week! I could be on to something here.I could open up a yard sale museum. Every week we have new crap. And it's all for sale. And it's all your old crap. Come check it out! Oh, wait, they have those. They're called pawn shops. Dang. Another idea I'm too late on. Story of my life.

This is probably not going to be very long. I'm super sleepy. And my brain is working about seventeen speeds slower then normal. But before I leave you, book shout-out. Just finished "Evermore" by Alyson Noel last night (after starting it just yesterday too). Not terrible. Not amazing. Closer to amazing then terrible. Probably going to get the next one in the series during lunch or after work.

I'm going to go and listen to my "Defying Gravity" channel on Pandora (a.k.a. show tunes). Something has to keep me awake! Hope I don't start belting out Wicked tunes, because I have coworkers now.

Another Monday. Is it 5 yet?

It's Monday again. :( I did have a long weekend though, so I guess I can't complain too much. And I got rid of the nasty Cranberry Raspberry Snapple's from my trunk. I am very picky about things matching, and therefore, those nasty things were always taunting me that they had more bottles left then the other three flavors and that made my trunk uneven. But, my mom liked them so I pawned those off on her. And a side note - if anyone finds Mango Madness flavored Snapple, please inform me immediately so I may buy the store's entire stock. Thanks.

Fact of the day:
#844 "One lump of sugar is equivalent to three feet of sugar cane."
This fact does not really trigger any weird/obscene/obscure/funny thoughts for me. Maybe because I'm tired and my brain hurts from arguing with a 'client'. But, over the weekend (actually Thursday) I consumed two snapples and someone in my presence consumed one. Equalling extra facts. And one was pretty awesome. Although it is at the bottom of my purse with the Kraken so I'm just going to have to go from memory.
It was along the lines of that an average cat can jump 4-5 times the height of their tail. If you don't know, I am the proud mommy of three sweet little angel kitties. And have always had cats growing up. If I hadn't found my hubby and worked my magic on him, I mean bought him from slavery, I mean married him, I would have ended up the crazy cat lady. And would have loved every minute of it.
From this factiod I can rate my kitties and the kitty jumping scale. Bubbie (a.k.a. Jessie Paw (I was five when I named him and I thought I was clever because my dad's middle name was Paul, so lay off me)(a.k.a. Zombie Cat as his Uncle Chris so lovingly calls him) is very old, and has trouble jumping. So he is now waaayyy below average. But in his prime, that sounds about right. So he was average.
Nala Bell, my sweet little scaridy cat, is not a great jumper at all. She has to prep and does this little bounce thing with her front paws which is uber adorable but doesn't get her much height. And she has a super long tail (I like to call her 'little paw, long tail' sometimes), so she is way below average. But as I told her this morning, that's ok. Someone has to be below the average or we wouldn't have a nice pretty Bell Curve. (My nerd is showing again)
And then we have little Miss Alice Mary Cat. And yes, she is named after Twilight. She is super duper adorable too!!! And super hyper just like her namesake. And she is totally a good jumper. Probably a little above average if she wanted to. She also loves to climb and explore and look for trouble in every possible place she can find. And she likes popcorn. I know, weird right? She actually shared some popcorn with me last night. Then passed out on my lap and almost fell off, so I had to hold her like a baby until my arm was numb. They aren't spoiled at all.
Did I mention they have their own room? And in that room there are three separate baskets, one for each. And their own cabinet and drawer in the kitchen.

But seriously, if we had to grade my kitties on jumping they would get the following:
Bubbie = F (presently, C in his earlier years)
Nala = D
Alice = B

But that's the best they can do, so I still love them.

I think I've rambled enough today.
FYI: You want something done by a lawyer, don't call/stop by three hundred times a day. It just angers the secretary and lawyer and makes them not want to work hard on your case. Especially when you owe lots of money. Just saying...

The day after yesterday. That would be today.

Hi. It's Thursday. Finally. And I get a half day at work today and off tomorrow, woo hoo!!

Had to get up extra early this morning. Disliked that. Saw an accident on the way to work. Kinda liked that. (Is God going to smite me for that?-I'm pretty sure no one was severly hurt, so I'm not a sadist or anything like that.)

Ok. Snapple fact of the day:
#911 (that's crazy, because I tried calling that number this morning after that accident but my phone screwed up. Good thing I wasn't being attacked by a killer zombie (is their any nice zombies out there? That would make a good movie. Instead of eating brains, they just cook you breakfast or something. Call Hollywood!) or being eaten by rapid aunteaters (get it, I'm an aunt not an ant..haha. And yes, this is what my husband puts up with all the time.)
"A cubic mile of fog is made up of less than a gallon of water."
That's crazy. I hate fog. It stinks. It's all condensationy and foggy and crap. Like sand. I hate sand. It's all sandy, and scratchy and gets everywhere. Yes, I did just reference Star Wars. Man, yesterday Star Trek, today Star Wars. I am a nerd. :)
Just got distracted by the label on my Snapple. It looks like the label on a bottle of water. calories=0, total fat=0%, sodium=0%, total carb=0%, protein=0g. Woo hoo! But, water doesn't come with colorful labels and fun facts. So take that water! What's aspartame? or phenylalnine? I hope it's good for you, because I'm taking those in everyday with my Snapple. This could turn into an experiment. Like the McDonalds guy. What happens when I drink Snapple everyday. Maybe I will gain super powers from those things. Watch out Spiderman here comes the new boss in town - Snapplegirl! I could have a theme song and everything. It would get stuck in ur head all day and you wouldn't get any work done. That happens almost daily with me and the Star Wars theme and any number of other songs. Usually the one I hate and only heard two seconds of in the car. And why is it that my IPod's shuffle isn't really a shuffle. That is false advertisement. It plays everything I never play. Heck, I had to skip the same song twice yesterday. With 823 songs, that's a little realdicilous! I should be able to sit and listen to music for like a month without repeating a song. Not when shuffle is in the driver's seat. Shuffle wants to listen to Brittney Spears, or Backstreet Boys, or N'Sync, or 98 Degrees (yes, I grew up in the 90's, so deal with it). But Amanda doesn't. Especially at work, where there are other people that can hear Amanda's music choice. And I don't want to be judged on the fact that I have those particular song choices on my IPod.

Ok. I guess I should go fake work some more. Enjoy your day. Don't forget to watch out for zombies.

Captains log, stardate 3-17-10, a.k.a. Welcome to my blog

Firstly, let me apologize for the nerdy title. Never have I really watched the show Star Trek (Trekkies everywhere gasp in shock) but I did watch the movie last week and loved it. Which is close enough.

Ok. So here is how this is going to work (b/c I like lists):
-everyday I work (theoretically M-F except holidays), I will consume a Snapple
-B/c Snapple is so awesome, it not only provides tasty liquid-y goodness, it also provides a little snip-it factoid of joy
-after enjoying this factoid myself, I will then share the factoid with the world
-we will then climb on the roller coaster called my mind and journey away
(side note: is it wrong that the ONLY time I've been on a roller coaster, I was threatening the lives of those that tricked me onto said roller coaster because I LOATH roller coasters, but I then refer to my own mind-scape as a roller coaster? Sorry. I digress)
-after completing this journey, you will disembark and continue on your merry way, until returning the next day because you had such a wonderful time. Unless you hate it and you then jump over board before the end and are eaten by sharks. I again digress. But, you have been warned that failure to complete the trip could result in consumption by shark.

So, today's factoid. Well, today we actually had two, because the first I had already had (I've been doing this for a few weeks on Facebook). So after much contemplation and stomach aches from chugging of Kiwi-Strawberry Snapple, I decided I was allowed to get another Snapple. Since I had already had my favorite flavor (see Kiwi-Strawberry reference above), I went with my least favorite flavor - Diet Snapple Cranberry Raspberry. (first side-rant: Cranberries are the whores of the fruit world. They get in all the other fruits' juices. End) I was blessed with a gem of a factoid. I did also manage to choke down most of 2nd drink during lunch, masking the flavor with my PB&J and cold, leftover Shells & Cheese. Although there is about three drinks left and it is now mocking me. (I would now insert of Snapple mocking me, but my camera is at home. and I'm lazy. I did add color to the food names though, to spice it up a bit. And the color of the word is the approximate color of said food.)

Now!! On to the factoid. Drum roll please!! dun dun dun dun...
#123 (Snapple's given number, not my numbering system. If I numbered them, they would all be numbered 3, or 7, or 27, but that's another story.)
"Beavers were once the size of bears."
Holy corn dog!! But, here's my problem. What bears? Panda bears, koala bears (that aren't even bears but marsupials), grizzly bears, or [killer] polar bears? This makes a difference! Also, that's a lot of beaver. With a lot of tree damage and water backup. (Because of their dams. I hate when I have to explain myself.)
But beavers also makes me think of road beavers and cake. If you don't understand, watch "Meet the Deedles" immediately. And also of beavers and ducks! If you don't understand, watch "Bandits" immediately.
Then I get to bears, beets, Battlestar Galactic. Michael! I heart The Office.

So, what have we learned today?

- Kiwi-Strawberry is my favorite flavor. Cranberry Raspberry least favorite. At least of the four flavors currently rolling around in my trunk.

- I watch weird, strange, obsecure movies. Then quote said movies. Where only one other person in the world probably understands my quote (my BFF Amanda and then hubby Brandon)

- I am popular at amusement parks. Now, this does take some deducing. But I will help you. I hate roller coasters -> me standing at the end of roller coasters waiting for the others in my party -> those riding said coaster can not take bags on = me standing at the end of the roller coaster holding bags for people I don't even know.

- chugging Snapple can lead to stomach aches. But totally worth it.

- failure to finish reading the blog in it's entirety will lead to consumption by sharks.

- I totally love Daniel Tosh. This we probably didn't 'learn' from above but you are now learning this. A day is not complete without at least one (preferably more) DT references. Even if, when this reference is made no one else around understands, I will still spend five minutes daydreaming about how much I love DT and his jokes. I made a Tosh reference in this blog. Did you catch it? If not, go watch his stand up, and then find reference. Repeat as necessary.

Other things I learned today and will share will all you out there:

- You can not put a less than sign (the one where the alligators mouth opens to the left) immediately followed by the #3 on this blog. For some reason, it will delete all you have typed and you will have to re-type everything. So if everything after the word 'heart' is not funny, I'm sorry. It was funny the first time. But the internets ate it. This is a tribute to what was written before.

- leaving an energy drink in the freezer over night with result in a mess. It will lead to the first person at work discovering the freezer door slightly ajar, going over to close it only to find a neon pink, sticky, berry-scented mess of goo and slush all over the freezer, floor, and dripping on/into the fridge. Then said person, lets just call them me for clarity, will proceed to clean up fridge, floor, and freezer, when they have never even consumed an energy drink, ever. It's a great way to start your day at work. Seriously. Try it tomorrow. You'll love it. I'm assuming though, that it's more fun to be the person that placed the drink and not the me in the story. Although I have only participated in this activity from one side.

Now that we all know some more about each other (and by this I mean you creepy stalker people know more about me and I have no idea who you even are), and ancient beavers, and energy drink goo, I will depart for the day. To be less creepy and stalker-ish, leave comments about yourself, or my warped mind, or your favorite type of bear. First person to figure out and point out the Daniel Tosh reference will receive a medal. {Said medal will only be shipped after receiving your completed application for citizenship, proof of living-ness, valid credit card number, social security number, seven non-relative references, and payment of shipping and handling. Some settling and movement may occur during shipping process which could lead to a difference in expectations and actual product. All complaints will be taken on Complaint Day which falls once a year on the thirteenth Sunday of the lunar calendar.}

Look!! I made it through this whole thing without making a "that's what she said" joke, which, for those that know me, is an accomplishment. That's what she said. dang. I'll try again tomorrow. That's what she said.