Firstly, let me apologize for the nerdy title. Never have I really watched the show Star Trek (Trekkies everywhere gasp in shock) but I did watch the movie last week and loved it. Which is close enough.
Ok. So here is how this is going to work (b/c I like lists):
-everyday I work (theoretically M-F except holidays), I will consume a Snapple
-B/c Snapple is so awesome, it not only provides tasty liquid-y goodness, it also provides a little snip-it factoid of joy
-after enjoying this factoid myself, I will then share the factoid with the world
-we will then climb on the roller coaster called my mind and journey away
(side note: is it wrong that the ONLY time I've been on a roller coaster, I was threatening the lives of those that tricked me onto said roller coaster because I LOATH roller coasters, but I then refer to my own mind-scape as a roller coaster? Sorry. I digress)
-after completing this journey, you will disembark and continue on your merry way, until returning the next day because you had such a wonderful time. Unless you hate it and you then jump over board before the end and are eaten by sharks. I again digress. But, you have been warned that failure to complete the trip could result in consumption by shark.
So, today's factoid. Well, today we actually had two, because the first I had already had (I've been doing this for a few weeks on Facebook). So after much contemplation and stomach aches from chugging of Kiwi-Strawberry Snapple, I decided I was allowed to get another Snapple. Since I had already had my favorite flavor (see Kiwi-Strawberry reference above), I went with my least favorite flavor - Diet Snapple Cranberry Raspberry. (first side-rant: Cranberries are the whores of the fruit world. They get in all the other fruits' juices. End) I was blessed with a gem of a factoid. I did also manage to choke down most of 2nd drink during lunch, masking the flavor with my PB&J and cold, leftover Shells & Cheese. Although there is about three drinks left and it is now mocking me. (I would now insert of Snapple mocking me, but my camera is at home. and I'm lazy. I did add color to the food names though, to spice it up a bit. And the color of the word is the approximate color of said food.)
Now!! On to the factoid. Drum roll please!! dun dun dun dun...
#123 (Snapple's given number, not my numbering system. If I numbered them, they would all be numbered 3, or 7, or 27, but that's another story.)
"Beavers were once the size of bears."
Holy corn dog!! But, here's my problem. What bears? Panda bears, koala bears (that aren't even bears but marsupials), grizzly bears, or [killer] polar bears? This makes a difference! Also, that's a lot of beaver. With a lot of tree damage and water backup. (Because of their dams. I hate when I have to explain myself.)
But beavers also makes me think of road beavers and cake. If you don't understand, watch "Meet the Deedles" immediately. And also of beavers and ducks! If you don't understand, watch "Bandits" immediately.
Then I get to bears, beets, Battlestar Galactic. Michael! I heart The Office.
So, what have we learned today?
- Kiwi-Strawberry is my favorite flavor. Cranberry Raspberry least favorite. At least of the four flavors currently rolling around in my trunk.
- I watch weird, strange, obsecure movies. Then quote said movies. Where only one other person in the world probably understands my quote (my BFF Amanda and then hubby Brandon)
- I am popular at amusement parks. Now, this does take some deducing. But I will help you. I hate roller coasters -> me standing at the end of roller coasters waiting for the others in my party -> those riding said coaster can not take bags on = me standing at the end of the roller coaster holding bags for people I don't even know.
- chugging Snapple can lead to stomach aches. But totally worth it.
- failure to finish reading the blog in it's entirety will lead to consumption by sharks.
- I totally love Daniel Tosh. This we probably didn't 'learn' from above but you are now learning this. A day is not complete without at least one (preferably more) DT references. Even if, when this reference is made no one else around understands, I will still spend five minutes daydreaming about how much I love DT and his jokes. I made a Tosh reference in this blog. Did you catch it? If not, go watch his stand up, and then find reference. Repeat as necessary.
Other things I learned today and will share will all you out there:
- You can not put a less than sign (the one where the alligators mouth opens to the left) immediately followed by the #3 on this blog. For some reason, it will delete all you have typed and you will have to re-type everything. So if everything after the word 'heart' is not funny, I'm sorry. It was funny the first time. But the internets ate it. This is a tribute to what was written before.
- leaving an energy drink in the freezer over night with result in a mess. It will lead to the first person at work discovering the freezer door slightly ajar, going over to close it only to find a neon pink, sticky, berry-scented mess of goo and slush all over the freezer, floor, and dripping on/into the fridge. Then said person, lets just call them me for clarity, will proceed to clean up fridge, floor, and freezer, when they have never even consumed an energy drink, ever. It's a great way to start your day at work. Seriously. Try it tomorrow. You'll love it. I'm assuming though, that it's more fun to be the person that placed the drink and not the me in the story. Although I have only participated in this activity from one side.
Now that we all know some more about each other (and by this I mean you creepy stalker people know more about me and I have no idea who you even are), and ancient beavers, and energy drink goo, I will depart for the day. To be less creepy and stalker-ish, leave comments about yourself, or my warped mind, or your favorite type of bear. First person to figure out and point out the Daniel Tosh reference will receive a medal. {Said medal will only be shipped after receiving your completed application for citizenship, proof of living-ness, valid credit card number, social security number, seven non-relative references, and payment of shipping and handling. Some settling and movement may occur during shipping process which could lead to a difference in expectations and actual product. All complaints will be taken on Complaint Day which falls once a year on the thirteenth Sunday of the lunar calendar.}
Look!! I made it through this whole thing without making a "that's what she said" joke, which, for those that know me, is an accomplishment. That's what she said. dang. I'll try again tomorrow. That's what she said.
I'm pretty sure the DT reference is the last sentence of the first paragraph, "Which is close enough." If this isn't the one to which you were referring, it still applies.
ReplyDelete