No Snapple fact today because hub stole all the Snapple out of my car so he could put his stupid golf clubs in there.
We always go to Lexington, Kentucky (well, really Versailles but who is being that picky) on the fourth for a 'family reunion' thing with his mom's side of the family. And he and his dad are planning on going golfing sometime this weekend so no Snapple for me. :(
But I do have the Macbook from work. Which is kinda exciting. I think I might (if I can find time) start drawing fun and exciting pictures and/or adding fun additions to already existing pictures to liven up the blog. Because who doesn't love a picture book?
Early birthday present for me from Comedy Central. Stand-up basically all weekend starting yesterday at like 6 p.m. and running through Monday. Which is awesome!!!! I LOVE stand up. I already got to see some of my favorites - Danny Tosh, Brian Regan, Jeff Dunham, and Henry Cho. I was sad though because I only got to see like 5 minutes of Daniel because we were at dinner. When we got back and I turned the TV on and Tosh was on there, I was like a kid at Christmas and then when he went off 5 minutes later I was like a fat kid that ate the last donut - crying and depressed and throwing a fit for more. But that's ok, I basically have every one of his jokes memorized anyways. And Nick Swardson is coming up. He's a funny guy too. He has a joke about tigers and diarrhea.
Hub ate a double down from KFC today. Can I just say it was disgusting looking. I swear I could hear it taunting him with the words "heart attack...clogging...cholesterol". I gained three pounds just from looking at it. Let me just share some advice, stay away from those deathwiches.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Pass the pillow please
Eclipse came out last night!!!! I was definitely there at midnight to watch it. And back at work at 8am this morning. Which = very little sleep for me. Nap time after work today!!!
I was concerned about the movie, because Eclipse is my favorite book in the series and I didn't want them to ruin it. And I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't ruined at all. Hands down best movie so far. And they kept my favorite line from the whole series - "What happened Bella, you try to walk and chew gum at the same time again? No. I punched a werewolf in the face." And Charlie (Billy B.) gets a big kudos for being totally awesome. And Mr. Whitlock, be careful with that sexy accent. It could get you in trouble.
Since I haven't blogged in a long time, I'll give you two facts!
#821. "It takes an interaction of 72 muscles to produce human speech."
I wonder if they are counting the brain in there, because after some of the people I've talked to, I can guarantee not all people use that muscle to produce human speech. I would actually venture to say most people don't use that muscle. And I can guarantee it takes me more muscles. Because I talk with my hands. I think (and I'm sure many that know me would agree) that if you tied my hands down, I would have trouble speaking. I catch myself making crazy hand motions while talking on the phone, like that person can see my frantic airplane hailing.
#746. "The only insect that can turn its head is a praying mantis."
weird. It's official. Praying mantis are strange. Not only do they eat each other (and when I say eat each other, I mean the females chow down on the males - that will teach them to ignore the wife when she tells them to pick their socks up) and they can turn their head. But maybe that is what God gave them for such a faithful prayer life. Get it, they are PRAYING mantis. Haha. Sorry. Little sleep=bad pun Amanda. Who is not my favorite Amanda around. I much prefer delightfully witty Amanda or even slightly funny Amanda.
I was concerned about the movie, because Eclipse is my favorite book in the series and I didn't want them to ruin it. And I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't ruined at all. Hands down best movie so far. And they kept my favorite line from the whole series - "What happened Bella, you try to walk and chew gum at the same time again? No. I punched a werewolf in the face." And Charlie (Billy B.) gets a big kudos for being totally awesome. And Mr. Whitlock, be careful with that sexy accent. It could get you in trouble.
Since I haven't blogged in a long time, I'll give you two facts!
#821. "It takes an interaction of 72 muscles to produce human speech."
I wonder if they are counting the brain in there, because after some of the people I've talked to, I can guarantee not all people use that muscle to produce human speech. I would actually venture to say most people don't use that muscle. And I can guarantee it takes me more muscles. Because I talk with my hands. I think (and I'm sure many that know me would agree) that if you tied my hands down, I would have trouble speaking. I catch myself making crazy hand motions while talking on the phone, like that person can see my frantic airplane hailing.
#746. "The only insect that can turn its head is a praying mantis."
weird. It's official. Praying mantis are strange. Not only do they eat each other (and when I say eat each other, I mean the females chow down on the males - that will teach them to ignore the wife when she tells them to pick their socks up) and they can turn their head. But maybe that is what God gave them for such a faithful prayer life. Get it, they are PRAYING mantis. Haha. Sorry. Little sleep=bad pun Amanda. Who is not my favorite Amanda around. I much prefer delightfully witty Amanda or even slightly funny Amanda.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Life or something like it
I haven't had time to blog because I've been busying:
1. Enjoying Hell's Kitchen that is finally back on!!!
2. Reading The Wheel of Time series that my horrible father made me start reading. (He's really not horrible at all, but it's his fault I'm stuck in the world of reborn dragons and the One Power.)
3. Being 'duped' (if you ask hub's opinion on the situation) into getting an alarm system and now waiting to have it uninstalled.
4. Melting in the 90+ degree weather for the past like 17 years.
5. Marching band drama.
6. New kittens at my parents house.
7. All-out warfare on the spiders and ants trying to invade my country.
8. Playing camp counselor for 8th & 9th graders over the weekend.
I love the summer, because I like swimming and I'm normally cold all the time so the hot weather evens out my cold body tempature. Hub tells me that I'm a vampire because I'm cold all the time. So I tell him he is a werewolf because he is hot all the time. Speaking of vampires and werewolves, ECLIPSE IS NEXT WEEK!! I'm not excited or anything at all.
No Snapple fact today, sorry. I didn't even open my Snapple that I had for today so I'm saving it for tomorrow.
But on a serious note -
Please send your thoughts and prayers to Matt and Brandi, friends of ours and a couple from our church. They live a few houses away from us too, so they are also kinda our neighbors.
They lost their unborn son and found out Sunday night. Brandi had carried Boston for 37 weeks and became worried when she felt no movement and upon arriving at the hospital, Brandi and Matt were told their son, Boston, had died. Brandi delivered Boston about 2 p.m. Monday afternoon. Brandi and Matt were then blessed to be able to hug and kiss their son and say goodbye before Brandi was sent home from the hospital Monday night. This was their first child, and has been extremely difficult for them. Especially for Matt, losing his first-born son on father's day. They are a strong, faithful couple, and Boston and their strength in this difficult situation has already touched many life's. Please just send them your thoughts and prayers through these unbelievably difficult time. There will be a celebration service for Boston to be held tomorrow (thursday june 24) night at our church.
We got this news Monday morning, and it really hit us. They are around our age and don't have any children, with Boston to be their first. Hub and I don't have any kids, but will eventually, and I can't even fathom the pain Brandi and Matt are experiencing right now. It hurts my heart to think of their pain.
1. Enjoying Hell's Kitchen that is finally back on!!!
2. Reading The Wheel of Time series that my horrible father made me start reading. (He's really not horrible at all, but it's his fault I'm stuck in the world of reborn dragons and the One Power.)
3. Being 'duped' (if you ask hub's opinion on the situation) into getting an alarm system and now waiting to have it uninstalled.
4. Melting in the 90+ degree weather for the past like 17 years.
5. Marching band drama.
6. New kittens at my parents house.
7. All-out warfare on the spiders and ants trying to invade my country.
8. Playing camp counselor for 8th & 9th graders over the weekend.
I love the summer, because I like swimming and I'm normally cold all the time so the hot weather evens out my cold body tempature. Hub tells me that I'm a vampire because I'm cold all the time. So I tell him he is a werewolf because he is hot all the time. Speaking of vampires and werewolves, ECLIPSE IS NEXT WEEK!! I'm not excited or anything at all.
No Snapple fact today, sorry. I didn't even open my Snapple that I had for today so I'm saving it for tomorrow.
But on a serious note -
Please send your thoughts and prayers to Matt and Brandi, friends of ours and a couple from our church. They live a few houses away from us too, so they are also kinda our neighbors.
They lost their unborn son and found out Sunday night. Brandi had carried Boston for 37 weeks and became worried when she felt no movement and upon arriving at the hospital, Brandi and Matt were told their son, Boston, had died. Brandi delivered Boston about 2 p.m. Monday afternoon. Brandi and Matt were then blessed to be able to hug and kiss their son and say goodbye before Brandi was sent home from the hospital Monday night. This was their first child, and has been extremely difficult for them. Especially for Matt, losing his first-born son on father's day. They are a strong, faithful couple, and Boston and their strength in this difficult situation has already touched many life's. Please just send them your thoughts and prayers through these unbelievably difficult time. There will be a celebration service for Boston to be held tomorrow (thursday june 24) night at our church.
We got this news Monday morning, and it really hit us. They are around our age and don't have any children, with Boston to be their first. Hub and I don't have any kids, but will eventually, and I can't even fathom the pain Brandi and Matt are experiencing right now. It hurts my heart to think of their pain.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Not really a post.
This is not really a post. This is not the post you are looking for. *waves hand in front of your face* It has come to my attention that I have yet to resolve the cliffhanger from the last post. The answer is Daniel Tosh.
That's bad. Only posting a few sentences and still make a nerd reference (that's Star Wars for those non-nerds out there).
That's bad. Only posting a few sentences and still make a nerd reference (that's Star Wars for those non-nerds out there).
Thursday, June 3, 2010
I'm not dead.
I'm not dead. Just so you know. Just lazy.
Have two new flavors of Snapple to try. Tried one today - "Bret's Blend Tea Trop*A*Rocka". The Celebrity Apprentice themed Snapple. Not quite sure about this yet. It's not bad. Has a strange-ish taste that you have to get used to, but not completely disgusting. So to rate it on a scale of Snapple, it's no Snapple Apple but it also isn't as low as Diet Snapple Cranberry Raspberry. A hearty mediocre flavor.
It did repeat a fact thought, so that's a downside. I have a bag at home of every Snapple lid. And I know I've missed some. That's because even though I don't blog, I'm still drinking the Snapple daily. You hear that Snapple?! Sponsor my poor butt. Please.
Funny 'conversation' had last night:
Setting: Hub and I are sitting (ok, Hub is sitting and I'm laying because 1. I'm lazy and 2. that couch is dang comfortable!!!) watching Jeopardy.
Alex T.: "...insert answer here that I don't remember but I know the category was something like my "f"oods - meaning they were looking for foods that started with f"
Me: "FABRICATION! -half second pause- What? I don't know."
Hub: "did you just have a conversation with yourself?"
Me: "possibly."
Hub then proceeded to re-enact a Smegel scene from LOTR (for those none nerds out there, that means lord of the rings)
This is a normal thing for me. Well, the me answering myself or correcting myself, but it usually happens all in my head so other humans don't realize how weird I really am. Now you know.
Side note: I will be traveling to Indianapolis on November 9, 2010, with or without someone else. I will hitchhike if necessary. Why, you may ask? Only because my favorite person is going to be there. Ok maybe not all-time favorite, but close. And I didn't get to see him last time he was here, so by gosh, I'm going this time. Even if I have to walk all the way there. Don't know yet? Here's a hint. He knows the true story of where Octoberfest came from. And I've talked about him before in a blog. Still don't know? I'll reveal the answer tomorrow.
How about that for a cliff hanger Lost?! Take that!
Have two new flavors of Snapple to try. Tried one today - "Bret's Blend Tea Trop*A*Rocka". The Celebrity Apprentice themed Snapple. Not quite sure about this yet. It's not bad. Has a strange-ish taste that you have to get used to, but not completely disgusting. So to rate it on a scale of Snapple, it's no Snapple Apple but it also isn't as low as Diet Snapple Cranberry Raspberry. A hearty mediocre flavor.
It did repeat a fact thought, so that's a downside. I have a bag at home of every Snapple lid. And I know I've missed some. That's because even though I don't blog, I'm still drinking the Snapple daily. You hear that Snapple?! Sponsor my poor butt. Please.
Funny 'conversation' had last night:
Setting: Hub and I are sitting (ok, Hub is sitting and I'm laying because 1. I'm lazy and 2. that couch is dang comfortable!!!) watching Jeopardy.
Alex T.: "...insert answer here that I don't remember but I know the category was something like my "f"oods - meaning they were looking for foods that started with f"
Me: "FABRICATION! -half second pause- What? I don't know."
Hub: "did you just have a conversation with yourself?"
Me: "possibly."
Hub then proceeded to re-enact a Smegel scene from LOTR (for those none nerds out there, that means lord of the rings)
This is a normal thing for me. Well, the me answering myself or correcting myself, but it usually happens all in my head so other humans don't realize how weird I really am. Now you know.
Side note: I will be traveling to Indianapolis on November 9, 2010, with or without someone else. I will hitchhike if necessary. Why, you may ask? Only because my favorite person is going to be there. Ok maybe not all-time favorite, but close. And I didn't get to see him last time he was here, so by gosh, I'm going this time. Even if I have to walk all the way there. Don't know yet? Here's a hint. He knows the true story of where Octoberfest came from. And I've talked about him before in a blog. Still don't know? I'll reveal the answer tomorrow.
How about that for a cliff hanger Lost?! Take that!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Groceries, graduation, and grandma
This weekend is brought to us by the letter G. My plans for the weekend are as follows: Grocery shopping tomorrow morning. Graduation party tomorrow afternoon/night. And going to see my Grandma Sunday.
What's the first three words you can think of that start with the letter G? I thought of greed, giddy-up, and gesundheit. Don't ask me why. The only one I have half of an excuse for is greed. Because I was listening to a Creed song at the time. (Get it, creed and greed rhyme?)
Fact # 738. "There are more species of fish in the Amazon river than in the Atlantic ocean."
Is the Amazon river really polluted, causing numerous mutations of crazy-scary seventeen finned fish? Would a crazy-scary seventeen finned fish count as a new species? Or is the Amazon river filled with crazy horny fish that fornicate with all kinds of other fish, not caring about inter-species mutations? There's all kinds of turanihas (tuna + piranha) or pircanda (piranha + anaconda) and crap like that swimming around? (I only did two combos because I don't know what other kinds of fish swim in the Amazon river. I don't even know if anacondas are in that river, but I think that is the river the movie was set on.)
I am officially a drug dealer. For my cats. They are addicted to the nip. I feel like a horrible mommy. I should have been warning them against the nip, and instead, I'm their pusher. I had the container out yesterday and Alice climbed my leg trying to get some. The whole while screaming at the top of her lungs like I couldn't hear her or feel her claws in my leg.
I almost impaled a guy with my phone received today. But I resisted. It was really hard to hold back, but I did. I should get a medal. Or candy. Or something exciting like that.
What's the first three words you can think of that start with the letter G? I thought of greed, giddy-up, and gesundheit. Don't ask me why. The only one I have half of an excuse for is greed. Because I was listening to a Creed song at the time. (Get it, creed and greed rhyme?)
Fact # 738. "There are more species of fish in the Amazon river than in the Atlantic ocean."
Is the Amazon river really polluted, causing numerous mutations of crazy-scary seventeen finned fish? Would a crazy-scary seventeen finned fish count as a new species? Or is the Amazon river filled with crazy horny fish that fornicate with all kinds of other fish, not caring about inter-species mutations? There's all kinds of turanihas (tuna + piranha) or pircanda (piranha + anaconda) and crap like that swimming around? (I only did two combos because I don't know what other kinds of fish swim in the Amazon river. I don't even know if anacondas are in that river, but I think that is the river the movie was set on.)
I am officially a drug dealer. For my cats. They are addicted to the nip. I feel like a horrible mommy. I should have been warning them against the nip, and instead, I'm their pusher. I had the container out yesterday and Alice climbed my leg trying to get some. The whole while screaming at the top of her lungs like I couldn't hear her or feel her claws in my leg.
I almost impaled a guy with my phone received today. But I resisted. It was really hard to hold back, but I did. I should get a medal. Or candy. Or something exciting like that.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Two days in a row?! I'm on a record!
WICKED IS TONIGHT?!?!?!?!
I'm only a little excited.
But seriously, if I have to deal with one more nincompoop (not quite sure how to spell it, but I think you get it - note: just spell checked it and that is what spell check gave me. who knew nincompoop was in spell checks dictionary) today, I might commit murder. But don't worry, I know a few good lawyers.
On to better news, I totally got a Vera Wang dress yesterday from Kohl's for $2.91. That's right folks, for less then $3!!! I was soo excited. It's really cute and perfect. I'm wearing it to Wicked tonight. Go bargain shopping!!
Ok, Snapple fact time
# 883. "Butterflies taste with their hind feet."
That's just creepy butterflies. Everytime I see a butterfly sitting on a flower now, I'm going to think about that. No wonder butterflies have to look so pretty, so they don't creep people out with how they smell. So when someone hears their creepy little secret they aren't like "Oh, bless their souls", instead they are like "well, at least they are really pretty. They do have that going for them." It's the same reason unicorns poop rainbows. Because people think unicorns look really silly with that horn sticking out of their forehead, but the pooping rainbows thing really helps their public appeal. I have discovered a really good flavor though. I think I might have mentioned it before. It's called "Snapple Apple". It's like biting into a juicy, just ripe enough apple. Even smells like it - the smell has a hint of apple peel to it and everything! Yea for good Snapple.
What Amanda learned today:
* Don't let a lawyer on your computer. They will probably break something. I witnessed a lawyer break the court's computer today. It was rather funny actually.
* I really hate idiots. Me and stupidity don't mix well.
I'm only a little excited.
But seriously, if I have to deal with one more nincompoop (not quite sure how to spell it, but I think you get it - note: just spell checked it and that is what spell check gave me. who knew nincompoop was in spell checks dictionary) today, I might commit murder. But don't worry, I know a few good lawyers.
On to better news, I totally got a Vera Wang dress yesterday from Kohl's for $2.91. That's right folks, for less then $3!!! I was soo excited. It's really cute and perfect. I'm wearing it to Wicked tonight. Go bargain shopping!!
Ok, Snapple fact time
# 883. "Butterflies taste with their hind feet."
That's just creepy butterflies. Everytime I see a butterfly sitting on a flower now, I'm going to think about that. No wonder butterflies have to look so pretty, so they don't creep people out with how they smell. So when someone hears their creepy little secret they aren't like "Oh, bless their souls", instead they are like "well, at least they are really pretty. They do have that going for them." It's the same reason unicorns poop rainbows. Because people think unicorns look really silly with that horn sticking out of their forehead, but the pooping rainbows thing really helps their public appeal. I have discovered a really good flavor though. I think I might have mentioned it before. It's called "Snapple Apple". It's like biting into a juicy, just ripe enough apple. Even smells like it - the smell has a hint of apple peel to it and everything! Yea for good Snapple.
What Amanda learned today:
* Don't let a lawyer on your computer. They will probably break something. I witnessed a lawyer break the court's computer today. It was rather funny actually.
* I really hate idiots. Me and stupidity don't mix well.
Monday, May 17, 2010
No wizard that there is or was...
Oh yea, just threw down some Wicked lyrics. SOOOOO excited about seeing to tomorrow on like 8th row!!!!!! I'm totally spoiled by hub. He does not like musicals. At all. Especially ones that he already knows the music to because his crazy wife listens to the soundtrack all the time. He says he is going to stand up in the middle of a quiet, dramatic part and start belting out "we're off to see the wizard...". And I swear I will knock him out if he does that.
For a couple reasons:
1. He kinda sucks at singing so I will need to rescue the other theater goers from his horrid singing 'skills'.
2. It's Wicked, and you don't mess with that stuff. You just don't.
3. So that rest of the audience will think I'm not with him, I was just the caped superhero that saved the show and shut him up. Just without the cape, or cool side-kick, or cool face mask. Basically the only reason I'm a superhero in this instance is that I say I am.
But seriously. I can't wait for tomorrow!! It's like Christmas morning. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight. I guess I'll just read my Wicked book while not sleeping tonight.
Side note: Hub and I had to go to Louisville for 'wellness testing' at his work at 9:30a.m. Saturday (way too freaking early to be up on a Saturday), so I got to go to the used book store. (used book store=Amanda's heaven.) (They are having a 20% off everything sale Memorial Day. Feel free to donate to the 'Amanda always needs more books and Brandon doesn't make enough money to support her addiction' fund.) I purchased the original Wicked book because I've been wanting to re-read it for years. I read it in high school, loved it, and then loaned it to a 'friend' who never returned it. So now I have a new-to-me copy again and am reading it. Again.
Snapple fact time!
# 866. "Abraham Lincoln was the tallest U.S. President at 6'4". James Madison was the shortest at 5'4"."
That's until I'm voted president in roughly 13 years. (I will be 36/37 - therefore I will be the shortest, youngest, and probably first woman.) I will be an awesome president. Maybe a little ADHD, but that's ok. I'm only uber distracted by penguins and spongebob and twilight. Shiny things only affect me sometimes. Whereas Lincoln was for sure full on ADHD. Where's my evidence? I don't really have any. It just sounds good. When I become president, I am outlawing high heels, making Friday an official weekend day (because 2:5 ratio of weekend:work week ratio is just too uneven), and who else knows what awesome laws I will help push through Congress. Can I count on your vote?
For a couple reasons:
1. He kinda sucks at singing so I will need to rescue the other theater goers from his horrid singing 'skills'.
2. It's Wicked, and you don't mess with that stuff. You just don't.
3. So that rest of the audience will think I'm not with him, I was just the caped superhero that saved the show and shut him up. Just without the cape, or cool side-kick, or cool face mask. Basically the only reason I'm a superhero in this instance is that I say I am.
But seriously. I can't wait for tomorrow!! It's like Christmas morning. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight. I guess I'll just read my Wicked book while not sleeping tonight.
Side note: Hub and I had to go to Louisville for 'wellness testing' at his work at 9:30a.m. Saturday (way too freaking early to be up on a Saturday), so I got to go to the used book store. (used book store=Amanda's heaven.) (They are having a 20% off everything sale Memorial Day. Feel free to donate to the 'Amanda always needs more books and Brandon doesn't make enough money to support her addiction' fund.) I purchased the original Wicked book because I've been wanting to re-read it for years. I read it in high school, loved it, and then loaned it to a 'friend' who never returned it. So now I have a new-to-me copy again and am reading it. Again.
Snapple fact time!
# 866. "Abraham Lincoln was the tallest U.S. President at 6'4". James Madison was the shortest at 5'4"."
That's until I'm voted president in roughly 13 years. (I will be 36/37 - therefore I will be the shortest, youngest, and probably first woman.) I will be an awesome president. Maybe a little ADHD, but that's ok. I'm only uber distracted by penguins and spongebob and twilight. Shiny things only affect me sometimes. Whereas Lincoln was for sure full on ADHD. Where's my evidence? I don't really have any. It just sounds good. When I become president, I am outlawing high heels, making Friday an official weekend day (because 2:5 ratio of weekend:work week ratio is just too uneven), and who else knows what awesome laws I will help push through Congress. Can I count on your vote?
Monday, May 10, 2010
Another Monday runs us over. Did anyone get that license plate number?!
Another Monday is here. Kicking our butts again. Is it Friday yet? I think this whole 5 day work week 2 day weekend thing is totally lopsided. I think the representative for weekends was too busy out getting drunk when they were splitting days up so the weekend got screwed over. Gee thanks drunk weekend representative dude! Hope you're proud of yourself. We all suffer now because of your irresponsibility.
Congrats to all those 2010 IUS grads that are walking today! Good job! Welcome to the realization that no one cares about your degree, only that you have one!
I don't know if this fact is a repeat or not. It sounds vaguely familiar but I am kinda out of it today so I might be imagining things.
#910. "Less than 2% of the water on Earth is fresh."
The rest is less then fresh? Buy it some deodorant or feminie products! You have to admit, that sounds like the beginning of a commercial for some strange feminine product. "Less than 2% of the water on Earth is fresh, leaving more then 98% of water on Earth being less then fresh. Well, when your water is feeling less then fresh, buy it the new and improved Biostat 3!" Side note: how can something be new and improved? It has to be one or the other.
To close out, I'd like to give a big shout out to Rocky's in Jeffersonville. Here goes - YOU SUCK!! HIRE BETTER WAITRESSES!!! AND SMARTER HOSTESSES!!!! And your food doesn't even compare to Olive Garden. Ok, I'm done.
And, if anyone didn't know, someone's *raises hand and starts jumping up and down* birthday is coming up in a little over two months. So for those of you who have no idea what to purchase such an awesome birthday girl let me give you a little idea:
Amanda's birthday present
Congrats to all those 2010 IUS grads that are walking today! Good job! Welcome to the realization that no one cares about your degree, only that you have one!
I don't know if this fact is a repeat or not. It sounds vaguely familiar but I am kinda out of it today so I might be imagining things.
#910. "Less than 2% of the water on Earth is fresh."
The rest is less then fresh? Buy it some deodorant or feminie products! You have to admit, that sounds like the beginning of a commercial for some strange feminine product. "Less than 2% of the water on Earth is fresh, leaving more then 98% of water on Earth being less then fresh. Well, when your water is feeling less then fresh, buy it the new and improved Biostat 3!" Side note: how can something be new and improved? It has to be one or the other.
To close out, I'd like to give a big shout out to Rocky's in Jeffersonville. Here goes - YOU SUCK!! HIRE BETTER WAITRESSES!!! AND SMARTER HOSTESSES!!!! And your food doesn't even compare to Olive Garden. Ok, I'm done.
And, if anyone didn't know, someone's *raises hand and starts jumping up and down* birthday is coming up in a little over two months. So for those of you who have no idea what to purchase such an awesome birthday girl let me give you a little idea:
Amanda's birthday present
Friday, May 7, 2010
Nala, stop raping the carrots!
I haven't blogged in a week. Just haven't really felt that funny, or inspired, or had any good Snapple facts. I didn't work last Friday or Tuesday so no Snapple that day and last Thursday I only worked until 3. Nothing super awesomely funny has happened today. but I do have one funny convo hub and I had the other night.
Situation set-up: Hub is in recliner, I'm on couch with bag of baby carrots and cup 'o ranch, eating the carrots. Nala is attacking the bag of carrots because for some unknown reason, she loves bags of carrots (see earlier post with picture of her with a bag of carrots).
Hub: "Nala! Stop raping the carrots!"
Me: "How do you know it's rape? They could be consenting carrots. You just don't speak carrot so you don't know."
Hub: "Carrots aren't mature enough to consent. So it's obviously rape."
Me: "How do you know how carrots age? They could be of consenting age."
Hub: "AMANDA! They are BABY carrots."
Me: "Touche Hub, touche. Nala! Stop raping the carrots!"
During the whole conversation, and even after, Nala continued to rape the carrots. Even going as far as sticking her head in the bag and rolling all around. It was rather cute. She was acting like she was on cat nip, just without the nip.
Oh yea, and today's fact is:
#702: "On average, a laptop uses half as much energy as a desktop computer."
Snapple, why do you assume your consumers care about energy and it's conservation? I would much rather have a fact about velcoraptors or jungles or tooth fungus or Ebola, almost anything but energy.
Situation set-up: Hub is in recliner, I'm on couch with bag of baby carrots and cup 'o ranch, eating the carrots. Nala is attacking the bag of carrots because for some unknown reason, she loves bags of carrots (see earlier post with picture of her with a bag of carrots).
Hub: "Nala! Stop raping the carrots!"
Me: "How do you know it's rape? They could be consenting carrots. You just don't speak carrot so you don't know."
Hub: "Carrots aren't mature enough to consent. So it's obviously rape."
Me: "How do you know how carrots age? They could be of consenting age."
Hub: "AMANDA! They are BABY carrots."
Me: "Touche Hub, touche. Nala! Stop raping the carrots!"
During the whole conversation, and even after, Nala continued to rape the carrots. Even going as far as sticking her head in the bag and rolling all around. It was rather cute. She was acting like she was on cat nip, just without the nip.
Oh yea, and today's fact is:
#702: "On average, a laptop uses half as much energy as a desktop computer."
Snapple, why do you assume your consumers care about energy and it's conservation? I would much rather have a fact about velcoraptors or jungles or tooth fungus or Ebola, almost anything but energy.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Jessie Paul ‘Bubbie’ Kingsbury
Oct 1991 – April 29, 2010
Bubbie passed quietly in the arms of his Gammie person at 9am this day.
Bubbie has been known to be a kitty of many talents in his time. He was a great tea-partier (and I don’t mean that in a political way). He was known to play dress up with the best. He even pulled off being show-and-tell once, not to mention swinging in the baby swing many times, and that was just his early years.
His greatest talents came in the area of friendship. He was the greatest companion to a very special person, HIS person. He helped raise her as she raised him. Together they met all challenges together. Last minute school projects were a specialty of his, though he usually wanted to help a bit too much (according to her loudly), that was just the leader in him, he wanted to direct the project. Reading time was good too, as long as she shared the book. He was known to osmosis the contents of a book by laying on it so he could discuss it with her later. Sometimes a lap would suffice while she was reading, but that was entirely up to him. Bed time… ‘Where’s my pillow? Never mind, I’ll take yours!’ was heard from him often.
When it came to meal time he had definite opinions. Food for him was a strong opinion. He preferred his spaghetti without sauce, usually. Chicken and shrimp where definite favorites. Lunch time was always good for soup or sandwiches, assuming the soup has meat for him, don’t worry about the sandwich; he was perfectly willing to help himself from the side closest to him. Breakfast, no syrup on that waffle please. Doritos were a good snack. You had to always keep in mind…. Sharing is good! If you don’t think so, don’t turn your head cause Bubbie’ll help myself! That was Bubbie!
18 ½ is not young for a cat. Actually it is OLD! He lived longer than his mother (17+ for her). He lived his later years with dignity and grace. ‘Get out of my way’, ‘I don’t care what you think’, and ‘that’s my spot’ were a few of his mottos in his later years.
This is just a little of what was special about a special kitty… written by the hacker of this blog, Grampie to Bubbie, dad to the blogger.
Good-bye to the best Bubbie in the world! You will never be forgotten!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Was that guy just carrying a machine gun?
I could really use a day off. I do get to see "Hairspray" at Derby Dinner Playhouse tonight though, so that's fun and exciting. I hope I don't sleep through it.
Totally saw a guy walking down the street today with what appeared to my peripheral vision to be a black machine gun. Which elicited a second look. And an adrenaline rush. Upon further inspection, the machine gun morphed into an umbrella. But it was too late for my adrenal gland to stop and I was soon hyped up on adrenaline with no vans to stop (note the Twilight reference here). My body was ready to race ahead of this crazed white-middle-aged, dress shirt wearing terrorist and save the whole city. Although my body was ready to save the city, the city didn't really need saved. It also probably isn't ready for me yet. I take some getting used to.
This abundance of adrenaline and lack of city to save led to abnormal twitching and fidgeting from me and jumping at every noise, even if said noise came from my shoe meeting the floor. And I twitch and fidget a lot normally, so abnormal levels for me are serious business. That was fine, except I had no work needing to be done, so I was lost in the internets, cracked out on adrenaline and no outlet for said energy. Second problem is the now point. Where all that nice adrenaline has been used up with my twitching and now I'm exhausted like I just ran a marathon. So, thank you guy toting a machine gun that upon inspection from other humans disguises itself as an innocent looking umbrella.
# 861 "South Carolina is home to the first tea farm in the U.S."
Really boring fact if you ask me. My machine gun toting terrorist is seventeen times (at least) more interesting.
Things learned this past week:
* Hub is a horrible auction bid placer. He only wanted to win one or two things at a silent auction at work. We are now the proud owners of tickets to the Louisville Science Center, Tinseltown movie theater, Frazier History Museum, and the Creation Museum.
* Hub's co-workers are slowly catching on to is nerdiness. The lady he picked is winnings up from asked what he wont again. And then went "oh yea, you got all the museum tickets." haha
* Don't plan events. Just don't do it. Especially if you are a perfectionist and a procrastinator all in one. (Which I'm convinced is some cruel joke from God.) Also don't do it if in general you do things well or above expectations. Because the situation will probably follow the norm. And now you're in deep crap because you will be in charge of everything. Forever.
* Hub says some funny stuff sometimes. Sunday in the middle of me bossing him around (he kept asking what I wanted him to do so it was okay) and getting everything for vow renewal for my in-laws, Hub goes "If I didn't think it would equal a lot of work for me, I'd tell you to start catering as a job." haha. I love you Hub. Although, I think I could be an event planned. They just wear those cool headset things and yell at people and boss everyone around. Which I'm totally awesome at. I love playing with (and usually breaking...see iFan blogs) fancy electronics, am great at bossing people around - have been practicing this for my entire life, and actually love yelling at people-just ask my color guard girls. So if anyone knows how I would go about becoming an event planner, let me know. We might have just discovered my calling in life. About dang time.
* Sharp knifes will cut you. Especially once they get the taste of your blood. They will come back for more.
Totally saw a guy walking down the street today with what appeared to my peripheral vision to be a black machine gun. Which elicited a second look. And an adrenaline rush. Upon further inspection, the machine gun morphed into an umbrella. But it was too late for my adrenal gland to stop and I was soon hyped up on adrenaline with no vans to stop (note the Twilight reference here). My body was ready to race ahead of this crazed white-middle-aged, dress shirt wearing terrorist and save the whole city. Although my body was ready to save the city, the city didn't really need saved. It also probably isn't ready for me yet. I take some getting used to.
This abundance of adrenaline and lack of city to save led to abnormal twitching and fidgeting from me and jumping at every noise, even if said noise came from my shoe meeting the floor. And I twitch and fidget a lot normally, so abnormal levels for me are serious business. That was fine, except I had no work needing to be done, so I was lost in the internets, cracked out on adrenaline and no outlet for said energy. Second problem is the now point. Where all that nice adrenaline has been used up with my twitching and now I'm exhausted like I just ran a marathon. So, thank you guy toting a machine gun that upon inspection from other humans disguises itself as an innocent looking umbrella.
# 861 "South Carolina is home to the first tea farm in the U.S."
Really boring fact if you ask me. My machine gun toting terrorist is seventeen times (at least) more interesting.
Things learned this past week:
* Hub is a horrible auction bid placer. He only wanted to win one or two things at a silent auction at work. We are now the proud owners of tickets to the Louisville Science Center, Tinseltown movie theater, Frazier History Museum, and the Creation Museum.
* Hub's co-workers are slowly catching on to is nerdiness. The lady he picked is winnings up from asked what he wont again. And then went "oh yea, you got all the museum tickets." haha
* Don't plan events. Just don't do it. Especially if you are a perfectionist and a procrastinator all in one. (Which I'm convinced is some cruel joke from God.) Also don't do it if in general you do things well or above expectations. Because the situation will probably follow the norm. And now you're in deep crap because you will be in charge of everything. Forever.
* Hub says some funny stuff sometimes. Sunday in the middle of me bossing him around (he kept asking what I wanted him to do so it was okay) and getting everything for vow renewal for my in-laws, Hub goes "If I didn't think it would equal a lot of work for me, I'd tell you to start catering as a job." haha. I love you Hub. Although, I think I could be an event planned. They just wear those cool headset things and yell at people and boss everyone around. Which I'm totally awesome at. I love playing with (and usually breaking...see iFan blogs) fancy electronics, am great at bossing people around - have been practicing this for my entire life, and actually love yelling at people-just ask my color guard girls. So if anyone knows how I would go about becoming an event planner, let me know. We might have just discovered my calling in life. About dang time.
* Sharp knifes will cut you. Especially once they get the taste of your blood. They will come back for more.
Monday, April 26, 2010
i hate mondays.
I hate Mondays. They can crawl back under the rock they came from and never come back out. Sorry don't have time to talk about the fact, but I will at least give it to you. (That's what she said.)
#839. "A cucumber consists of 96% water."
No wonder they have no flavor. (That's what she said, again.)
#839. "A cucumber consists of 96% water."
No wonder they have no flavor. (That's what she said, again.)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Horse or Ho?
I was listening to the radio this morning and heard the greatest game ever. "Horse or Ho?". The DJs had someone on the line and they would read them a name and that person had to guess if it was a hores's name or a ho's name. I totally rocked the game. Of course I was just in my car playing along, but still, I beat the caller. I do live in the Louisville area and it's less then two weeks till Derby, which is what caused this game, but I'm thinking we could take this game to primetime and make some real money. Who wouldn't tune in for 30 minutes of horse or ho? We could also expand to other horizons like 'holiday candy or stripper' (in which candy cane would be exceptable for both), etc. It could air right after "Ha ha now you're poor". Which is another awesome game show. If you haven't heard the concept of this game show, go watch Daniel Tosh's first Comedy Central special. Now.
#908 "In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be taken away by law if the driver is deemed either "unbathed" or "poorly dressed.""
Those Greeks are serious about cleanliness. They aren't screwing around. We couldn't have rules like that here. All Kentucky drivers would lose their licenses. Which actually might be a good thing.
Side note: I'm either losing my mind and hearing weird car horn/alarm sounds or something is going down outside. Either way, the noise is driving me crazy.
#908 "In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be taken away by law if the driver is deemed either "unbathed" or "poorly dressed.""
Those Greeks are serious about cleanliness. They aren't screwing around. We couldn't have rules like that here. All Kentucky drivers would lose their licenses. Which actually might be a good thing.
Side note: I'm either losing my mind and hearing weird car horn/alarm sounds or something is going down outside. Either way, the noise is driving me crazy.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Sleep, who needs that?!
Hi. My brain decided it wanted to wake up at 4:22 a.m. today and keep me up for the next hour running through absolutely everything I need to do like two days ago. Including stuff I've forgotten to do, basically for my entire life. My brain made me feel like a real slacker. And then I was all tired when my alarm went off this morning. Dumb brain.
Side note: Being the planner of your family can lead to little to no sleep when you get to plan the big events for your loved ones. Don't say I haven't warned you.
Another side note: Windows Media Live Movie Maker is about to get drop kicked down the road. Why won't it just play full-screen?!!?!
#848. "Wild camels once ramed Arizon's deserts."
What's the difference between a wild camel and a unwild camel? Do wild camels flash the camera during spring break? Or is this a reference to some new form of cigarettes that grew legs and can now be hunted in Arizona? Did you know it's not really water, but fat, in a camel's hump? Now you do. Two facts in one day. That's your Tuesday special. And how do they prove that wild camels used to roam Arizona? Just because they found bones belonging to camels in Arizona (which I'm presuming is how they came up with this fact) doesn't mean they roamed free. The ancient Arizonians might have had a zoo in that area and that's where the camel's were kept. Maybe they have found cave paintings of the wild camels. That would be awesome - a cave painting of a wild camel flashing the painter. Crazy, drunk, spring break camels. Their parents will be so proud. And that's why you don't let teenage camels go to Florida unsupervised.
Side note: Being the planner of your family can lead to little to no sleep when you get to plan the big events for your loved ones. Don't say I haven't warned you.
Another side note: Windows Media Live Movie Maker is about to get drop kicked down the road. Why won't it just play full-screen?!!?!
#848. "Wild camels once ramed Arizon's deserts."
What's the difference between a wild camel and a unwild camel? Do wild camels flash the camera during spring break? Or is this a reference to some new form of cigarettes that grew legs and can now be hunted in Arizona? Did you know it's not really water, but fat, in a camel's hump? Now you do. Two facts in one day. That's your Tuesday special. And how do they prove that wild camels used to roam Arizona? Just because they found bones belonging to camels in Arizona (which I'm presuming is how they came up with this fact) doesn't mean they roamed free. The ancient Arizonians might have had a zoo in that area and that's where the camel's were kept. Maybe they have found cave paintings of the wild camels. That would be awesome - a cave painting of a wild camel flashing the painter. Crazy, drunk, spring break camels. Their parents will be so proud. And that's why you don't let teenage camels go to Florida unsupervised.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Good thing I haven't quit my day job.
I suck as a blogger. Three days without blogging?! Good thing I haven't quit my day job to earn money as a blogger. I'd be eating off the street by now. I could explain how I've actually had stuff to do at work, or got to leave early, and had to write guard work, and plan a vow renewal for my in-laws, etc. But it probably just sounds like bluh blah blah to your ears, so I won't waste my time.
#771. "Some dinosaurs were as small as chickens."
Duh Snapple. We've all seen "Jurassic Park: The Lost World". Those little chicken dinosaurs will eat the crap out of you. They are the ultimate gang. I bet the chicken dino gang could take out any gang we measly humans could conjure up. They'd be all "What, you have guns? Bring it. We have teeth, and millions of us, and we're super fast. Bring it!" Look at that. I just solved our country's gang problems. Actually the world's gang problems. Just pull some Crichton-esque magic and bring those chicken dino's back. We can call the chicken dino's gang the "CDG" (for chicken dino gang). Maybe we shouldn't call them that. It's a little close to the KGB. Naw, it'll be ok. The history classes in this country don't teach crap and the school systems pretty much stink so no one will get the connection. And if they do, we'll gas them. Haha. Get it. Too soon? Too soon.
#771. "Some dinosaurs were as small as chickens."
Duh Snapple. We've all seen "Jurassic Park: The Lost World". Those little chicken dinosaurs will eat the crap out of you. They are the ultimate gang. I bet the chicken dino gang could take out any gang we measly humans could conjure up. They'd be all "What, you have guns? Bring it. We have teeth, and millions of us, and we're super fast. Bring it!" Look at that. I just solved our country's gang problems. Actually the world's gang problems. Just pull some Crichton-esque magic and bring those chicken dino's back. We can call the chicken dino's gang the "CDG" (for chicken dino gang). Maybe we shouldn't call them that. It's a little close to the KGB. Naw, it'll be ok. The history classes in this country don't teach crap and the school systems pretty much stink so no one will get the connection. And if they do, we'll gas them. Haha. Get it. Too soon? Too soon.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Birds are nesting, trees are blooming, girls are whore-ing it up. It must be spring.
I am loving this weather. Cold weather and I don't get along. At all. I didn't post yesterday. What a loser. I was playing tax accountant all afternoon and didn't get a chance.
#731 (anyone else notice how many large numbers I keep getting?)
"There are over 2,000 different species of cactuses."
Interesting fact, Snapple. Here's my problem with that statement. Everyone knows that it is cacti, not cactuses. Even spellcheck had a problem with cactuses (and not with cacti, take that spellcheck!). And if you don't know that, go watch the Donkey Show 2 (I think-it might be the 1st movie, I don't remember) and you will learn that it's cacti, but you don't care because they hurt. For those that don't know, the Donkey Show is what I always referred to Jacka$$ as because I prefer to avoid cussing. And because it's always fun to have weird names for stuff so other people that don't know you but overhear (see eavesdrop) on your conversation get confused. That's what they get for being nosey. Says the nosey, people-watcher.
I was perusing the Snapple website the other day (hoping that I could order straight from the source, but no such luck) and discovered that they are having a contest for entries of the best Snapple Factoid, and the winner gets their fact on Snapple and like a year's supply of Snapple (they have no idea how much Snapple that is for me.). So, everyone go make entries, and then if you win, you can help supply me with Snapple.
#731 (anyone else notice how many large numbers I keep getting?)
"There are over 2,000 different species of cactuses."
Interesting fact, Snapple. Here's my problem with that statement. Everyone knows that it is cacti, not cactuses. Even spellcheck had a problem with cactuses (and not with cacti, take that spellcheck!). And if you don't know that, go watch the Donkey Show 2 (I think-it might be the 1st movie, I don't remember) and you will learn that it's cacti, but you don't care because they hurt. For those that don't know, the Donkey Show is what I always referred to Jacka$$ as because I prefer to avoid cussing. And because it's always fun to have weird names for stuff so other people that don't know you but overhear (see eavesdrop) on your conversation get confused. That's what they get for being nosey. Says the nosey, people-watcher.
I was perusing the Snapple website the other day (hoping that I could order straight from the source, but no such luck) and discovered that they are having a contest for entries of the best Snapple Factoid, and the winner gets their fact on Snapple and like a year's supply of Snapple (they have no idea how much Snapple that is for me.). So, everyone go make entries, and then if you win, you can help supply me with Snapple.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Taylor Swift has multiple personalities
There, I said it. Go ahead, hate me, I don't mind. In my scientific, official opinion, Taylor Swift has DID (Dissociative Personality Disorder a.k.a. Multiple Personality Disorder). Here's my evidence.
Compare "Today was a Fairy Tale" versus "White Horse".
"Today was a fairytale, you were the prince" versus "I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale"
End of evidence. That's all that's needed. One song life isn't a fairy tale and the other song life is. She needs to be put into a padded cell for everyone's safety. That was my epiphany of the day.
Fact #905 "The side of a hammer is called a cheek."
That kinda makes sense. If part of the hammer is called the head, then the side of that is the cheek. Nothing funny coming to mind. I'm trying, I promise. But nothing is coming. So instead we'll do cute/funny pictures.
This is the monster in my shower.
This is Alice trying to free her good twin from the other side. (It's not her evil twin because I suspect she might be the evil one.)
Nala loves carrots.
You thought the monster in the shower was scary.
So many mousies, so little time.
Ahhhh!!! Popcorn slug monster!
And final pic.
Me and hub.
Compare "Today was a Fairy Tale" versus "White Horse".
"Today was a fairytale, you were the prince" versus "I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale"
End of evidence. That's all that's needed. One song life isn't a fairy tale and the other song life is. She needs to be put into a padded cell for everyone's safety. That was my epiphany of the day.
Fact #905 "The side of a hammer is called a cheek."
That kinda makes sense. If part of the hammer is called the head, then the side of that is the cheek. Nothing funny coming to mind. I'm trying, I promise. But nothing is coming. So instead we'll do cute/funny pictures.
This is the monster in my shower.
This is Alice trying to free her good twin from the other side. (It's not her evil twin because I suspect she might be the evil one.)
Nala loves carrots.
You thought the monster in the shower was scary.
So many mousies, so little time.
Ahhhh!!! Popcorn slug monster!
And final pic.
Me and hub.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I wish I had butt hair.
Nice title, eh? You'll understand later, eh. I've decided to go Canadian for the day, eh. Haha, eh. Just kidding. I'm lazy and that's a lot of extra letter typing.
#701. "It takes more water to fill a bathtub than it does to enjoy an average-length shower."
Ok Snapple. What is the length of an average shower? Because Hub's average shower is like 7 minutes whereas mine is about 17 minutes. At least. That's because I have ridiculously long hair. As my sister-in-law so eloquently put it on Sunday.
sis-in-law: "Amanda, I love your hair. It's almost to your butt."
me: "I know. It needs cut."
sis-in-law: "I wish I had butt hair."
dustin (cousin): "You can have mine." <-- we were all thinking this response, but he was just the fastest to get it out. That's what she said.
sis-in-law (as everyone else is cracking up): "I didn't mean like that..."
I just came to the realization that Justin Timberlake can make any two words rhyme. In his new song he rhymes errors and areas. Go ahead, say them aloud. They do not rhyme. But when JT (my nickname for Justin-because we are so close we have nicknames for each other) uses them, he forces them to rhyme. With his sheer handsome-self-hot-body-crazy-good-dancer skills. He is like a word rhyming ninja. He could probably make a word rhyme with orange or purple or silver. What's with all the unrhymable words in English being colors? Spellcheck just informed me that unrhymable is misspelled but it has no suggestions. Maybe it's supposed to be imrhymable or inrhymable? Nope. It didn't like those either. Screw you spellcheck, I'm leaving them. Stupid spellcheck.
Side note: anyone else notice how much I personify inanimate objects? I bet that isn't healthy. I mean, how can spellcheck (the inanimate object) be stupid. That implies that spellcheck lacks intelligence, but inanimate objects can't be intelligent in the first place.
Double side note: I have no idea if personify is the real word I want, but it's what spellcheck suggested, so I'm going with it.
Triple side note: I explain stuff like I'm speaking to 2nd graders (see the explanation of what the inanimate object was-haha. I did it again). The reason is either that I'm used to that from my guard girls and work or if subconsciously that's my target audience. I hope that's not my target audience. I don't think 7 year olds understand that's what she said jokes.
#701. "It takes more water to fill a bathtub than it does to enjoy an average-length shower."
Ok Snapple. What is the length of an average shower? Because Hub's average shower is like 7 minutes whereas mine is about 17 minutes. At least. That's because I have ridiculously long hair. As my sister-in-law so eloquently put it on Sunday.
sis-in-law: "Amanda, I love your hair. It's almost to your butt."
me: "I know. It needs cut."
sis-in-law: "I wish I had butt hair."
dustin (cousin): "You can have mine." <-- we were all thinking this response, but he was just the fastest to get it out. That's what she said.
sis-in-law (as everyone else is cracking up): "I didn't mean like that..."
I just came to the realization that Justin Timberlake can make any two words rhyme. In his new song he rhymes errors and areas. Go ahead, say them aloud. They do not rhyme. But when JT (my nickname for Justin-because we are so close we have nicknames for each other) uses them, he forces them to rhyme. With his sheer handsome-self-hot-body-crazy-good-dancer skills. He is like a word rhyming ninja. He could probably make a word rhyme with orange or purple or silver. What's with all the unrhymable words in English being colors? Spellcheck just informed me that unrhymable is misspelled but it has no suggestions. Maybe it's supposed to be imrhymable or inrhymable? Nope. It didn't like those either. Screw you spellcheck, I'm leaving them. Stupid spellcheck.
Side note: anyone else notice how much I personify inanimate objects? I bet that isn't healthy. I mean, how can spellcheck (the inanimate object) be stupid. That implies that spellcheck lacks intelligence, but inanimate objects can't be intelligent in the first place.
Double side note: I have no idea if personify is the real word I want, but it's what spellcheck suggested, so I'm going with it.
Triple side note: I explain stuff like I'm speaking to 2nd graders (see the explanation of what the inanimate object was-haha. I did it again). The reason is either that I'm used to that from my guard girls and work or if subconsciously that's my target audience. I hope that's not my target audience. I don't think 7 year olds understand that's what she said jokes.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
two of 2: math and it's crazy love.
2 blogs in one day. What was I thinking.
Fact #812 "111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321"
Who doesn't love a little math fact? I love me some math. I am totally a math nerd. I have a math minor from college, for no reason other then the fact that I loved math and wanted to take some math classes. Who passed Calculus 3 with an A? This girl. With more total points then hub? This girl. (Take that hub!!) I just almost made a reference to a very horrible racial stereotype but was able to control myself. Cookie for me. I wish real life worked like multiply. Now your saying, it does, that's why we have multiplication. What I mean is that I wish I could take two cookies and multiple them by each other and get four instead of just two. Ok. That statement didnt make any sense. Let me better explain. I wish if I had two piles of three cookies in each pile (say Samoes), I could multiply those two piles together and get nine. But I can't. I can only add them together and get six. Which is not nearly as meaning as nine. And, that would knock those little monopolizing girl scouts off their pedestals. I thought monopolies were illegal?! They sell those dang things one time a year for like two days. And the girl scouts are harder to find then fairies if you don't have kids of your own. I just want to go to the elementary school playground and start waiving my money around begging for a girl scout but I would probably be arrested for being a creepy child stalker. At least I don't own a van. But seriously, those little brats are like the mafia with their cookies. And they jack the price every year, and cut down on the number of cookies in a box every year too. They are drug dealers. The shortest, cutest, best dressed, most well organized drug dealers I've ever met. How many drug dealers have I met? Remember (or just learn), that I work at a law office and before that worked at a court, so I've met more then the average person. I could hook you up if I really wanted. Except for with girl scout cookies. Because the two-day window is over. I think next year I am going to buy about a million dollars worth and freeze them. Side note: Edy's has girl scout cookie flavored ice cream (with pieces of the real cookies and everything)! I have a quart of Samoes ice cream in my freezer. And its delicious. And about three months later, when everyone just finished their last thin mint that they had been saving for two months and 30 days (because everyone knows the second you get the box you rip it open and devour almost all of those heavenly things until you realize that is all you have to last the next year and you feel guilty for leaving only one, besides the crumbs of the others that flew out of your mouth) is gone and they are jonesing for their cookie fix, I will pull my frozen cookies out, hit ebay, and make five million dollars. A day. I will jack those prices up higher then the girl scout cookies. I'll sell them in baggies. Like a drug dealer. Just cleaner, and less unhealthy (double negative=positive). I will run my own monopoly on girl scout cookies. And teach those little brat girl scouts a lesson or two. They will rue the day they withhold their cookies from me.
Fact #812 "111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321"
Who doesn't love a little math fact? I love me some math. I am totally a math nerd. I have a math minor from college, for no reason other then the fact that I loved math and wanted to take some math classes. Who passed Calculus 3 with an A? This girl. With more total points then hub? This girl. (Take that hub!!) I just almost made a reference to a very horrible racial stereotype but was able to control myself. Cookie for me. I wish real life worked like multiply. Now your saying, it does, that's why we have multiplication. What I mean is that I wish I could take two cookies and multiple them by each other and get four instead of just two. Ok. That statement didnt make any sense. Let me better explain. I wish if I had two piles of three cookies in each pile (say Samoes), I could multiply those two piles together and get nine. But I can't. I can only add them together and get six. Which is not nearly as meaning as nine. And, that would knock those little monopolizing girl scouts off their pedestals. I thought monopolies were illegal?! They sell those dang things one time a year for like two days. And the girl scouts are harder to find then fairies if you don't have kids of your own. I just want to go to the elementary school playground and start waiving my money around begging for a girl scout but I would probably be arrested for being a creepy child stalker. At least I don't own a van. But seriously, those little brats are like the mafia with their cookies. And they jack the price every year, and cut down on the number of cookies in a box every year too. They are drug dealers. The shortest, cutest, best dressed, most well organized drug dealers I've ever met. How many drug dealers have I met? Remember (or just learn), that I work at a law office and before that worked at a court, so I've met more then the average person. I could hook you up if I really wanted. Except for with girl scout cookies. Because the two-day window is over. I think next year I am going to buy about a million dollars worth and freeze them. Side note: Edy's has girl scout cookie flavored ice cream (with pieces of the real cookies and everything)! I have a quart of Samoes ice cream in my freezer. And its delicious. And about three months later, when everyone just finished their last thin mint that they had been saving for two months and 30 days (because everyone knows the second you get the box you rip it open and devour almost all of those heavenly things until you realize that is all you have to last the next year and you feel guilty for leaving only one, besides the crumbs of the others that flew out of your mouth) is gone and they are jonesing for their cookie fix, I will pull my frozen cookies out, hit ebay, and make five million dollars. A day. I will jack those prices up higher then the girl scout cookies. I'll sell them in baggies. Like a drug dealer. Just cleaner, and less unhealthy (double negative=positive). I will run my own monopoly on girl scout cookies. And teach those little brat girl scouts a lesson or two. They will rue the day they withhold their cookies from me.
1 of two: lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my!
This is the first of two blogs for today, as promised yesterday.
#764 "The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers."
Totally awesomest fact yet. I heart me some lions (well, any cats in general. Remember, would be crazy cat lady without hub?). I wonder if the same is true for house cats. Because my cats are always terrorizing something when we're gone, and then we never have evidence to convict one of them, so we can't take it to jury trial for jail time. But, with muzzle prints we could enter a new, higher percentage of crime catching days in my house. I only have three cats, and Bubbie just lays around a lot so I'm usually 99% sure he wasn't the perpetrator. But that leaves two, sweet little monsters. Who are totally hard to punish because they are oso cute. (oso=bear in spanish. two random facts in one day! And the second didn't even come from Snapple. I'm just blowing your minds with knowledge. I apologize for any mind congestion this may cause.) I'll always remember oso=bear in spanish because of one of the girls in my Spanish 2 class. She said "I remember because the teddy bear is OH SO cute. Get it?" I also know muneca (with the little ~ over the n)=wrist and vaca=cow. But that's about all I got. So if you ever need to say your bear-cow's (or cow-bear) wrist, I'm the woman for you. Actually, probably not. Because I can never remember which comes first, or how to show possession. So if you need someone to just say the words cow, wrist, and bear in a row, I'm your person. Other then that, I'm of no use.
Anyways, back to the convicting of my sweet little angel monsters. It's hard to discipline them because they just look at you with their cute little faces and open their eyes extra big. Like this:
Then I'm all distracted with their cuteness and forget I was lecturing them on the mechanics of water bowls and the concept that water is not meant for the floor or that we don't eat stuff off the floor unless mommy put it there for them to eat or we eat bugs, we don't torture them for 20 minutes then kill them and leave the carcass there because it's no fun anymore.
This is the conversation hub and I had last night.
Me: I am really sick of these 26 songs on my stupid iFan. I wish I could get my songs back.
Hub: Just put all your CDs on the new laptop and sync it that way.
Me: I did that. On the old computer. And it took me 2 months, a least.
Hub: Oh. That sucks.
Gee, honey. Thanks. I know. And, remember, this is all your (and Steve Jobs) fault. And if you're not careful, some of those punishments for Mr. Jobs might happen to you. Especially something involving raptors. Because they are awesome. Or the little chicken raptors like in Lost World. They look all cute and tiny and innocent and then 10,000 eat you. Hub, you should probably sleep with one eye open from now on.
#764 "The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers."
Totally awesomest fact yet. I heart me some lions (well, any cats in general. Remember, would be crazy cat lady without hub?). I wonder if the same is true for house cats. Because my cats are always terrorizing something when we're gone, and then we never have evidence to convict one of them, so we can't take it to jury trial for jail time. But, with muzzle prints we could enter a new, higher percentage of crime catching days in my house. I only have three cats, and Bubbie just lays around a lot so I'm usually 99% sure he wasn't the perpetrator. But that leaves two, sweet little monsters. Who are totally hard to punish because they are oso cute. (oso=bear in spanish. two random facts in one day! And the second didn't even come from Snapple. I'm just blowing your minds with knowledge. I apologize for any mind congestion this may cause.) I'll always remember oso=bear in spanish because of one of the girls in my Spanish 2 class. She said "I remember because the teddy bear is OH SO cute. Get it?" I also know muneca (with the little ~ over the n)=wrist and vaca=cow. But that's about all I got. So if you ever need to say your bear-cow's (or cow-bear) wrist, I'm the woman for you. Actually, probably not. Because I can never remember which comes first, or how to show possession. So if you need someone to just say the words cow, wrist, and bear in a row, I'm your person. Other then that, I'm of no use.
Anyways, back to the convicting of my sweet little angel monsters. It's hard to discipline them because they just look at you with their cute little faces and open their eyes extra big. Like this:
Then I'm all distracted with their cuteness and forget I was lecturing them on the mechanics of water bowls and the concept that water is not meant for the floor or that we don't eat stuff off the floor unless mommy put it there for them to eat or we eat bugs, we don't torture them for 20 minutes then kill them and leave the carcass there because it's no fun anymore.
This is the conversation hub and I had last night.
Me: I am really sick of these 26 songs on my stupid iFan. I wish I could get my songs back.
Hub: Just put all your CDs on the new laptop and sync it that way.
Me: I did that. On the old computer. And it took me 2 months, a least.
Hub: Oh. That sucks.
Gee, honey. Thanks. I know. And, remember, this is all your (and Steve Jobs) fault. And if you're not careful, some of those punishments for Mr. Jobs might happen to you. Especially something involving raptors. Because they are awesome. Or the little chicken raptors like in Lost World. They look all cute and tiny and innocent and then 10,000 eat you. Hub, you should probably sleep with one eye open from now on.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
update
I don't have time to blog tonight. Brandon is working on his sermon for this weekend and the computer has 11 minutes on its battery left. But I promise to blog twice tomorrow, with today's and tomorrow's Snapple fact. Promise.
Monday, April 5, 2010
A Hacker Takes Over!
And a hacker takes over for a Slacker one day.....
First and foremost, getting ready to watch little Butler take on big Duke. Hopefully the little guy/underdog gets the win!
According to Facebook post, the Snapple fact of the day is 'The ridges on the sides of coins are called reeding or milling.' And I just thought the edges were for use with scratch off's. But 'reeding' seems to be a term from the Renaissance referring to ornamentation. Cool, did they use swords to do that. You've heard of shooting an apple off a head, but cutting ridges on the edge a coin with a sword, oops that's not good what I envisioned. Got bloody, never mind....
No fact number in case you are marking them all off. How many are there though? I started with a list of 1000, so not knowing the number really messes up my list.....
And she thought her husband is a nerd...
Speaking of no number, sorry but the last one was wrong.... It should have been 'The first bicycle was called a hobby horse.' And there is another one without a number. My list goes deeper into dismay...
Oh wait, this blog is supposed to be humorous.. Ok a joke... There once was a man from nantucket... Oh can't do that one.. Ok..
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a “Living Will”
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.
Tell me you didn't laugh!
Well, I guess I've done enough damage.
GO BUTLER!!!!!
First and foremost, getting ready to watch little Butler take on big Duke. Hopefully the little guy/underdog gets the win!
According to Facebook post, the Snapple fact of the day is 'The ridges on the sides of coins are called reeding or milling.' And I just thought the edges were for use with scratch off's. But 'reeding' seems to be a term from the Renaissance referring to ornamentation. Cool, did they use swords to do that. You've heard of shooting an apple off a head, but cutting ridges on the edge a coin with a sword, oops that's not good what I envisioned. Got bloody, never mind....
No fact number in case you are marking them all off. How many are there though? I started with a list of 1000, so not knowing the number really messes up my list.....
And she thought her husband is a nerd...
Speaking of no number, sorry but the last one was wrong.... It should have been 'The first bicycle was called a hobby horse.' And there is another one without a number. My list goes deeper into dismay...
Oh wait, this blog is supposed to be humorous.. Ok a joke... There once was a man from nantucket... Oh can't do that one.. Ok..
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a “Living Will”
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.
Tell me you didn't laugh!
Well, I guess I've done enough damage.
GO BUTLER!!!!!
Friday, April 2, 2010
no snapple fact, but bored so blogging
I could probably do a fact if I really wanted to, but the fact is in the kitchen. And I'm not. And I'm lazy. And in pain. So I don't want to get up. So hahahaha. And Alice is laying on me so I don't want to disturb her cuteness.
Went to the chiropractor today. Had my first X-rays ever, besides by a dentist. Hope my insides didn't melt. Haven't seemed to die yet, so that's a great sign, I think. Go back Monday to go over x-rays and start treatment. Exciting news, uh?
I'm trying to think of something funny, but not working well under pressure. My computer is also flashing that it's about to die. I'm not good under pressure. IT'S RED ICING!!! You weren't there, you don't understand the pressure!!
I remember the Snapple fact I was going to use. Don't remember the number but it was "The first rocking horse was called a hobbyhorse."
I like rocking horses. They are fun. So are rocking chairs. I like to rock until you almost tip over. Adds a little excitement to live. Salim, where is Latika?
Went to the chiropractor today. Had my first X-rays ever, besides by a dentist. Hope my insides didn't melt. Haven't seemed to die yet, so that's a great sign, I think. Go back Monday to go over x-rays and start treatment. Exciting news, uh?
I'm trying to think of something funny, but not working well under pressure. My computer is also flashing that it's about to die. I'm not good under pressure. IT'S RED ICING!!! You weren't there, you don't understand the pressure!!
I remember the Snapple fact I was going to use. Don't remember the number but it was "The first rocking horse was called a hobbyhorse."
I like rocking horses. They are fun. So are rocking chairs. I like to rock until you almost tip over. Adds a little excitement to live. Salim, where is Latika?
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Capitalizing Letters For No Reason
I like capitalizing letters for no reason. It makes people wonder. Example:
Me via text msg: Hub (my new nick-name for Brandon on here, because Brandon is long to type out, and to provide him a little anonymity [side note: I totally spelled anonymity all by myself without spellcheck!]) can you bring home Basket?
Now Hub has to wonder if I have a new friend named Basket he needs to bring over, some strange brand name of something, or I'm just weird and capitalize letters for no reason.
Why Hub you ask? Well, husband is just as long as Brandon so that doesn't help, he doesn't like when I call him Brand so can't go with that one, Hubbie is almost as long as Brandon also, and Hub just seems to fit. Maybe I'll start calling him that in person too and see if he takes to it.
But, today is Friday!! Not by the calander, but by this-is-the-last-day-of-the-work-week standards, it's Friday. Which is uber-exciting! I can sleep in tomorrow and Saturday! Woo hoo!!!!! I my new bed!! But let's get to the Snapple fact and then I will tell you about my bed.
Fact #710. "A tankless water heater uses half the energy of a standard model."
Interesting to know Snapple. I don't even know what the difference is between the two. As long as my water is hot, I could really care less. But, this fact is pretty boring. It sounds more like an advertisement for appliances. Or like that commercial with the guy and, nevermind. It takes a lot of work to describe it on here, and you probably won't even remember it. I was hoping for a fun, inspiring fact today. But that's ok. I'll forgive you Snapple. I would have rather found out which color crayon is eaten most by Kindergartens or something. I guarantee it's not black. Because black always runs out first and they fight over it.
So, got the new bed yesterday. Went to bed last night. Super comfortable. Except for my back decided to start hurting again. It was like, "no, you don't want to sleep well in your new bed. That's silly. Instead, roll around all night in pain trying to find a comfortable position, which is impossible. Haha!" So that was my night. And so I hit the snooze like six times this morning. Fin.
Me via text msg: Hub (my new nick-name for Brandon on here, because Brandon is long to type out, and to provide him a little anonymity [side note: I totally spelled anonymity all by myself without spellcheck!]) can you bring home Basket?
Now Hub has to wonder if I have a new friend named Basket he needs to bring over, some strange brand name of something, or I'm just weird and capitalize letters for no reason.
Why Hub you ask? Well, husband is just as long as Brandon so that doesn't help, he doesn't like when I call him Brand so can't go with that one, Hubbie is almost as long as Brandon also, and Hub just seems to fit. Maybe I'll start calling him that in person too and see if he takes to it.
But, today is Friday!! Not by the calander, but by this-is-the-last-day-of-the-work-week standards, it's Friday. Which is uber-exciting! I can sleep in tomorrow and Saturday! Woo hoo!!!!! I my new bed!! But let's get to the Snapple fact and then I will tell you about my bed.
Fact #710. "A tankless water heater uses half the energy of a standard model."
Interesting to know Snapple. I don't even know what the difference is between the two. As long as my water is hot, I could really care less. But, this fact is pretty boring. It sounds more like an advertisement for appliances. Or like that commercial with the guy and, nevermind. It takes a lot of work to describe it on here, and you probably won't even remember it. I was hoping for a fun, inspiring fact today. But that's ok. I'll forgive you Snapple. I would have rather found out which color crayon is eaten most by Kindergartens or something. I guarantee it's not black. Because black always runs out first and they fight over it.
So, got the new bed yesterday. Went to bed last night. Super comfortable. Except for my back decided to start hurting again. It was like, "no, you don't want to sleep well in your new bed. That's silly. Instead, roll around all night in pain trying to find a comfortable position, which is impossible. Haha!" So that was my night. And so I hit the snooze like six times this morning. Fin.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Apple is still on my hate list. But at least I get a bed today.
So, if anyone is wondering about my second post yesterday, I will share the tragedy. That gem was posted less then a minute after iTunes decided it eat the songs on my iPhone like they were skittles. All 834 of them. Greedy bastard. My brain was racing from deciding to cry, scream, throw the new laptop (luckily I talked my brain down from this one, b/c Brandon would have been extremely upset with this), launch my iPhone out of a rocket shooter, punch something, or blog angrily. My brain was leaning towards the rocket launcher thing, but luckily I talked it down to the blogging choice. We also don't own a rocket launcher but that's besides the point. I was all jacked up on adrenaline and anger so logic didn't matter. After blogging, I pushed my iFan (I decided I'm not going to call it by its real name because it can't do its job correctly) off the arm of the recliner and it landed about 3 feet away where it stayed in time-out for about an hour. I then proceeded to madly think of some good songs to download to shove on iFan so I would have something to listen to at work. That's the real problem. iFan provides me with roughly 8 hours of music at work, every day. I have iFan music and Snapple to get me through the day. And without either of those, the crap hits the fan. I know I could listen to the radio on it, but it's not the same. If the radio decides to play Brittney Spears, I'm stuck listening to it. Can't skip on the radio. Other problem, I spent about 4-5 weeks getting all those songs onto that stupid iFan. Now you're saying, just re-syncing iFan with the computer with all those songs. Well see, the problem is that that computer is our old slower-than-dirt computer that is no longer hooked up to anything. Now, Amanda, why didn't you save all those songs onto something in case your iFan freaked out? I wanted to. But Brandon was all "its soo slow and already unhooked and you don't really need it..bluh bluh bluh." And yes. I am blaming this ALL on Brandon. That's what husbands are for. Blaming crap on. And it is his fault. Let me present all the reasons it is his fault.
Reasons it's Brandon's fault that iTunes ate my songs like skittles:
1. The song I was trying to get on my iFan was "red light". A country song he introduced me too.
2. He bought me iFan in the first place.
3. He is the one that bought me a new bed (which is being delivered today, three weeks ahead of schedule). I think karma noticed the scales were unbalanced since I was getting my awesome bed early, and that's why karma whispered in iTunes' ear that my songs tasted like Skittles and put the idea in its head. The scales are even I believe.
4. He wasn't home to help me with my technology problems. I could have discussed my process with him before doing it and probably wouldn't be in this predicament.
5. Everything is his fault.
So I now have 26 (well, there's 27 but one isn't even the song it's supposed to be so I don't wanna listen to it) to listen to for 8 hours today. Instead of 834. And the prospect of spending who-knows how many hours to get my iFan back to where it was pre-Skittles monster.
I also decided that it is all Steve Jobes (or whatever is name is) fault. Because he created Apple. And it was the Apple website that led me to the slaughter. (I was following step-by-step directions on their website. Another rant, another day) So I've been working on a list of things to do to get back at him for this travesty.
What Steve Jobes has coming to him:
1. Something involving a velicoraptor. Because they are awesome.
2. Change all his clocks to be 27 minutes behind. So he's late for everything.
3. Take him avian flu infected meatloaf. (It's ok. It's not as deadly as everyone makes it sound. I would use H1N1 but he probably got that shot so it would just be funny tasting meatloaf.)
4. Release a goose into his home. Not a nice, mother goose-y goose, but a deadly killer goose.
5. Shave all of his pets and spray paint them neon-pink.
6. Replace all of his computers with PCs. Not that PCs' suck. Because that's what I use. But because he is the creator of Apple, which makes it ironic.
7. Cut all of his shoelaces short, so he can't tie any of his shoes.
8. Something involving velcro. Because I like the sound it makes when you tear the two pieces apart. Maybe something involving velcro and raptors together, because that would be full of awesome-ness. It would be so awesome it would probably create an black hole that just sucked up unawesome stuff. Like Steve Jobes.
These are just a beginning. If you have an ideas, feel free to submit. Who doesn't love a diabolical plan?!
Side note: Spellcheck does not include Velicoraptor. Which I'm probably spelling incorrectly. But Spellcheck isn't helping so tough luck. And I just noticed how my spelling of Velicoraptor and velcro is very close. Coincidence? I think not.
Ok. Snapple fact of the day.
Fact #854. "Hawaii is the only U.S. state that grows coffee."
I hate coffee. But I love Hawaii. Well, I love the idea of Hawaii. Never been, so not positive I love, but pretty sure. But, now that I know this, I might like Hawaii less. Especially if it smells like coffee. I absolutely hate the smell of coffee. You're screaming "unamerican" and throwing apple pies on me right now, but I'm sorry. I hate the smell of coffee. It's from 6 years of hostessing and waiting tables and serving the nasty crap. So the smell reminds me of that. It also tastes horrible. I don't want to drink something that I have to add a ton of stuff (sugar, creamer, milk, babies, etc.) to be able to stand the taste. Not my cup of tea. or coffee. Because, even after adding all the above mentioned things, it still doesn't taste good! But, I can't control everyone, yet, unfortunately. Although I am making plans to change that. So, continue drinking your coffee. And assaulting my nostrils with the putrid smell.
Just googled velociraptor. found out the correct spelling. but I'm lazy and like my spelling better. Also googled Steve Jobs. also too lazy to fix his name. Maybe that can be another part of the plan. Convince everyone his name is spelled Jobes.
Reasons it's Brandon's fault that iTunes ate my songs like skittles:
1. The song I was trying to get on my iFan was "red light". A country song he introduced me too.
2. He bought me iFan in the first place.
3. He is the one that bought me a new bed (which is being delivered today, three weeks ahead of schedule). I think karma noticed the scales were unbalanced since I was getting my awesome bed early, and that's why karma whispered in iTunes' ear that my songs tasted like Skittles and put the idea in its head. The scales are even I believe.
4. He wasn't home to help me with my technology problems. I could have discussed my process with him before doing it and probably wouldn't be in this predicament.
5. Everything is his fault.
So I now have 26 (well, there's 27 but one isn't even the song it's supposed to be so I don't wanna listen to it) to listen to for 8 hours today. Instead of 834. And the prospect of spending who-knows how many hours to get my iFan back to where it was pre-Skittles monster.
I also decided that it is all Steve Jobes (or whatever is name is) fault. Because he created Apple. And it was the Apple website that led me to the slaughter. (I was following step-by-step directions on their website. Another rant, another day) So I've been working on a list of things to do to get back at him for this travesty.
What Steve Jobes has coming to him:
1. Something involving a velicoraptor. Because they are awesome.
2. Change all his clocks to be 27 minutes behind. So he's late for everything.
3. Take him avian flu infected meatloaf. (It's ok. It's not as deadly as everyone makes it sound. I would use H1N1 but he probably got that shot so it would just be funny tasting meatloaf.)
4. Release a goose into his home. Not a nice, mother goose-y goose, but a deadly killer goose.
5. Shave all of his pets and spray paint them neon-pink.
6. Replace all of his computers with PCs. Not that PCs' suck. Because that's what I use. But because he is the creator of Apple, which makes it ironic.
7. Cut all of his shoelaces short, so he can't tie any of his shoes.
8. Something involving velcro. Because I like the sound it makes when you tear the two pieces apart. Maybe something involving velcro and raptors together, because that would be full of awesome-ness. It would be so awesome it would probably create an black hole that just sucked up unawesome stuff. Like Steve Jobes.
These are just a beginning. If you have an ideas, feel free to submit. Who doesn't love a diabolical plan?!
Side note: Spellcheck does not include Velicoraptor. Which I'm probably spelling incorrectly. But Spellcheck isn't helping so tough luck. And I just noticed how my spelling of Velicoraptor and velcro is very close. Coincidence? I think not.
Ok. Snapple fact of the day.
Fact #854. "Hawaii is the only U.S. state that grows coffee."
I hate coffee. But I love Hawaii. Well, I love the idea of Hawaii. Never been, so not positive I love, but pretty sure. But, now that I know this, I might like Hawaii less. Especially if it smells like coffee. I absolutely hate the smell of coffee. You're screaming "unamerican" and throwing apple pies on me right now, but I'm sorry. I hate the smell of coffee. It's from 6 years of hostessing and waiting tables and serving the nasty crap. So the smell reminds me of that. It also tastes horrible. I don't want to drink something that I have to add a ton of stuff (sugar, creamer, milk, babies, etc.) to be able to stand the taste. Not my cup of tea. or coffee. Because, even after adding all the above mentioned things, it still doesn't taste good! But, I can't control everyone, yet, unfortunately. Although I am making plans to change that. So, continue drinking your coffee. And assaulting my nostrils with the putrid smell.
Just googled velociraptor. found out the correct spelling. but I'm lazy and like my spelling better. Also googled Steve Jobs. also too lazy to fix his name. Maybe that can be another part of the plan. Convince everyone his name is spelled Jobes.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
*insert witty comment here*
I'm still feeling bluh (thanks to my horrible husband. Horrible b/c he writes boring blogs and because he shared his germs with me.), but writing my own blog today, just to save you guys from Brandon. At least you got cute kitty pictures out of the deal.
Fact #761. "Owls are one of the only birds that can see the color blue."
How did someone figure this out? Maybe that's what the owls are saying "Blue blue" and not "Whoo hoo" or whatever they are teaching kids that owls say now-a-days. Or maybe since they can see blue they are sad all the time and they are saying "boo hoo" and crying? I wonder what an owl would say if it read my blog. Probably - that blew. (get it, blew=blue?! Sorry. I do really hate puns. I will flog myself for it when finished writing this.) That's probably why owls are so smart too. Or not.
I saw a Snapple commercial last night and it made me smile. I like Snapple. Very addictive. Like Zaxby's. I think they use crack in their sauces. Because that place is addictive. You know what else is addictive? Sudoku. I can't do just one of those things. I sit down, and next thing I know, it's three days later and birds are nesting in my hair and I've forgotten to eat or pee or brush my teeth.
Fact #761. "Owls are one of the only birds that can see the color blue."
How did someone figure this out? Maybe that's what the owls are saying "Blue blue" and not "Whoo hoo" or whatever they are teaching kids that owls say now-a-days. Or maybe since they can see blue they are sad all the time and they are saying "boo hoo" and crying? I wonder what an owl would say if it read my blog. Probably - that blew. (get it, blew=blue?! Sorry. I do really hate puns. I will flog myself for it when finished writing this.) That's probably why owls are so smart too. Or not.
I saw a Snapple commercial last night and it made me smile. I like Snapple. Very addictive. Like Zaxby's. I think they use crack in their sauces. Because that place is addictive. You know what else is addictive? Sudoku. I can't do just one of those things. I sit down, and next thing I know, it's three days later and birds are nesting in my hair and I've forgotten to eat or pee or brush my teeth.
Monday, March 29, 2010
My Wife is Lazy
Because my wife is being lazy today, she has given me, Brandon, approval to write her blog. It may not be as interesting because I don't have ADHD, but it should be much easier to follow. I personally don't drink snapple on a regular basis, and probably won't start, but the facts are somewhat interesting. Although, I would like to know who checks these so-called facts. Anyway, on with the fun:
Snapple Fact 673 - The average sea turtle can't reproduce until it's 25 years old.
I actually took the risk of googling sea turtle reproduction. According to Seaworld.org, Estimates of sexual maturity in sea turtles vary not only among species, but also among different populations of the same species. Maturity may range from as early as three years in hawksbills to 12-30 years in loggerheads to 20-50 years in green sea turtles. I think I would trust this more than a Snapple lid. The real question is, "What does Snapple mean by 'average sea turtle?'" If you put your head in an oven and your feet in a freezer, then you body temperature is average, but that doesn't mean that I would want to do either of those things.
At any rate, this is probably the last time you will hear from me. Once Amanda realizes how boring I made her blog, she will probably never let me write it again. It was fun sharing with you while it lasted. Have a great Monday!
Note from the actual blog writer: Sorry. I'm not lazy. Just sick. And Brandon had the computer and wasn't sharing so I told him to just write the blog today. And he jumped on the idea. Hopefully it will never happen again. Sorry he is soo boring. And I don't have ADHD. And I happen to think my blog is easy to follow. So I'll give you picutres of some cute little kitties to make up for the boring blog.
Snapple Fact 673 - The average sea turtle can't reproduce until it's 25 years old.
I actually took the risk of googling sea turtle reproduction. According to Seaworld.org, Estimates of sexual maturity in sea turtles vary not only among species, but also among different populations of the same species. Maturity may range from as early as three years in hawksbills to 12-30 years in loggerheads to 20-50 years in green sea turtles. I think I would trust this more than a Snapple lid. The real question is, "What does Snapple mean by 'average sea turtle?'" If you put your head in an oven and your feet in a freezer, then you body temperature is average, but that doesn't mean that I would want to do either of those things.
At any rate, this is probably the last time you will hear from me. Once Amanda realizes how boring I made her blog, she will probably never let me write it again. It was fun sharing with you while it lasted. Have a great Monday!
Note from the actual blog writer: Sorry. I'm not lazy. Just sick. And Brandon had the computer and wasn't sharing so I told him to just write the blog today. And he jumped on the idea. Hopefully it will never happen again. Sorry he is soo boring. And I don't have ADHD. And I happen to think my blog is easy to follow. So I'll give you picutres of some cute little kitties to make up for the boring blog.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Ninjas, curtains, and paychecks
This is the first blog I'm writing not sitting at work. I had actually work to do today, so I'm lounging in my recliner writing this. Kinda exciting. I could totally get used to this. Start reading my blog people, so I can make a living blogging at home all day!!
Snapple fact, then onto my adventurous day.
Fact #746 "The only insect that can turn its head is a praying mantis."
I hypothesize this is so the female can turn away while she eats her mate. But they are totally the only insect that is a ninja. According to one of my friends, and I think I have to agree. I'm really not a fan of insects though. Especially crickets. Crickets should all be killed. And not just stomped, but like tortured then killed. My parents house has a problem with crickets in really hot summers (they have an older home with a basement that crickets love to live in). Specifically in the bathroom. I would see a cricket AFTER going in to use the bathroom, so I couldn't just jump up and run away. I would proceed to make a deal with said cricket that he would leave me alone and I wouldn't have him killed (my dad was the executor. I couldn't kill them. They might jump after me and chase me down the road.)until I was done going to the bathroom. If they refused to comply, I would cover them with a rug or magazine or towel or something else. Out of sight, out of mind.
So, today I decided to go to Walmart after work. Thinking that it's Friday night, with the tournament on, so there won't be many people shopping. I was completely wrong. Right before I walk out the door, my hubby decides I should get curtains and curtain rods for the whole house. We have blinds right now but they are slowly all breaking. So we quickly measure all the windows in the house and I leave with my shopping list.
I'm very indecisive, so picking out curtains for six different sets of windows is not easy. It took me almost an hour. That's a long time to look at curtains. And curtains get expensive, quickly. Especially curtains and rods for six sets of windows, definitely with two sets that are over 70 inches wide. Then the window curtains aren't exactly clear on how many you need for bigger windows. I was looking at 2 panel sets. And they said that a 70"+ window would need 4-5 panels. Does that need 2 2-panel sets or 4 2-panel sets?!? I mean, I have a math minor in college and can't figure this crap out!
By the end of my trip, I spent my entire paycheck on groceries and curtains. Hubby wasn't thrilled by this. Not in the least bit.
I'm going to include (or at least try to) pictures of my kitties that I referenced in an early blog. Since I'm at home, I'm on my laptop now, with some of my pictures available. A lot better then writing this at work, minimizing the window every few minutes because someone comes in, calls, or my boss walks by. But Alice is draped across my arms/hands/lap/laptop, which does complicate things.
That's my Nala bell.
That's Alice Mary.
That's evil Alice Mary. I think she is saying something along the lines of "touch my penguins, snowman, or santa and I will kill our whole family! And get that thermometer away from there!!!"
That Alice praying because she wanted something and I wouldn't give it to her or wouldn't let her do something. This happens at least three times a day.
And that's my Bubbie.
That's all the pictures for today. But don't worry, I have plenty of other cute pictures. You'll get more the next time I blog from home. Have a good night. Beware of ninjas. And crickets. And zombies. And ninja cricket zombies. Nevermind. If there's ninja cricket zombies we're all screwed.
Snapple fact, then onto my adventurous day.
Fact #746 "The only insect that can turn its head is a praying mantis."
I hypothesize this is so the female can turn away while she eats her mate. But they are totally the only insect that is a ninja. According to one of my friends, and I think I have to agree. I'm really not a fan of insects though. Especially crickets. Crickets should all be killed. And not just stomped, but like tortured then killed. My parents house has a problem with crickets in really hot summers (they have an older home with a basement that crickets love to live in). Specifically in the bathroom. I would see a cricket AFTER going in to use the bathroom, so I couldn't just jump up and run away. I would proceed to make a deal with said cricket that he would leave me alone and I wouldn't have him killed (my dad was the executor. I couldn't kill them. They might jump after me and chase me down the road.)until I was done going to the bathroom. If they refused to comply, I would cover them with a rug or magazine or towel or something else. Out of sight, out of mind.
So, today I decided to go to Walmart after work. Thinking that it's Friday night, with the tournament on, so there won't be many people shopping. I was completely wrong. Right before I walk out the door, my hubby decides I should get curtains and curtain rods for the whole house. We have blinds right now but they are slowly all breaking. So we quickly measure all the windows in the house and I leave with my shopping list.
I'm very indecisive, so picking out curtains for six different sets of windows is not easy. It took me almost an hour. That's a long time to look at curtains. And curtains get expensive, quickly. Especially curtains and rods for six sets of windows, definitely with two sets that are over 70 inches wide. Then the window curtains aren't exactly clear on how many you need for bigger windows. I was looking at 2 panel sets. And they said that a 70"+ window would need 4-5 panels. Does that need 2 2-panel sets or 4 2-panel sets?!? I mean, I have a math minor in college and can't figure this crap out!
By the end of my trip, I spent my entire paycheck on groceries and curtains. Hubby wasn't thrilled by this. Not in the least bit.
I'm going to include (or at least try to) pictures of my kitties that I referenced in an early blog. Since I'm at home, I'm on my laptop now, with some of my pictures available. A lot better then writing this at work, minimizing the window every few minutes because someone comes in, calls, or my boss walks by. But Alice is draped across my arms/hands/lap/laptop, which does complicate things.
That's my Nala bell.
That's Alice Mary.
That's evil Alice Mary. I think she is saying something along the lines of "touch my penguins, snowman, or santa and I will kill our whole family! And get that thermometer away from there!!!"
That Alice praying because she wanted something and I wouldn't give it to her or wouldn't let her do something. This happens at least three times a day.
And that's my Bubbie.
That's all the pictures for today. But don't worry, I have plenty of other cute pictures. You'll get more the next time I blog from home. Have a good night. Beware of ninjas. And crickets. And zombies. And ninja cricket zombies. Nevermind. If there's ninja cricket zombies we're all screwed.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
stay at home moms and gold medals
Rainy day today. One of those days where you wanna curl up on the couch with a good book and hot chocolate and spend the afternoon in a different world. Instead I'm stuck at work, staring out the window trying not to fall asleep or die of boredom. Every few minutes I'll jab angerly at my IPod for playing a bad song (why can't it read my mind and play what I want. Come on Steve Jobs, why haven't you fixed that problem yet?!). Or jump in anticipation at the phone ringing only to see it isn't my line.
Have you ever looked for deeds at the recorders office? Sorry. Random question I just got from my boss. The answer is no. Maybe this afternoon will change that. Here's to hoping!
Now, on to the good stuff.
Fact # 814. "Tug-of-war was an Olympic sport in the early 1900s."
I have a gem of a wound story from childhood related to tug-of-war (and when I say related, I mean fifth cousin half removed-dogs-groomers-lawyers-brother related) which I will share later.
But really, tug-of-war as a sport? That's like curling as an Olympic sport. I mean, really? Lets put dodgeball and four-square and see-sawing in as sports too. Although see-sawing would be awesome. The larger people (the anchors from the tug-of-war team) could compete and always win. It's a game of who can last on the see-saw longest. Skinny people beware for butt bumps!!! Heck, lets just turn the Olympics into field day from elementary school. Force everyone to compete even if they don't want to. Especially in the relay races. Because who doesn't love to see a little fat kid lose by three minutes on the 100-yard dash. Screw training for your entire childhood, missing out on 'important' life-milestones (like prom, graduation, first hangover, etc.), and possibly damaging your body so bad that you can never function normally again. We are all winners, right?! At least that's what we're supposed to tell the kids.
Side note: I totally just saw two tweens/teens dancing out on the sidewalk. In the middle of the pouring rain. And it was really funny. They looked into the office window when finished and grinned and I waved. Totally made my day. Thanks rain-dancing kids!
But seriously, there are some sports that don't appear to be that difficult. Example: curling. Although I am like Bambi when I get on ice, most other people seem to be able to seem at least semi-coordinated on ice. She ability to function on ice, check for most of the population. Ability to use a broom, check. Ability to push an object in a straight line, check. I think we have curling covered. Heck, I know some stay-at-home moms that are awesome with a broom. They need to start training and win some medals in 2014! Who am I kidding, the winter olympics are like your best friend's little brother who follows you around everywhere yelling "what for me guys! I wanna play too guys!". We only watch them because they invade our TV and it's either the Winter Olympics, re-runs of Law & Order :*insert letters here* (because you can ALWAYS find some L&O or bastard child of L&O on TV. And don't let me fool you. I love me some CI and SVU), or the HSN, which happens to be selling collectible plates with winter olympic stars. Don't get me wrong, I completely respect the athletes and all the hard work they've done (I'm talking about the real athletes, not curlers or people who shoot guns, then run, then bike-because we can all do that-how many of us can do a triple axle and not land flat on our faces/butts). But who wants to watch something from Canada. I mean, really, it's Canada. Do have to hand it to the Canadians, they did up the ante a little when they made their track deadly. [Aside: my IPod totally just played "Ice Ice Baby". It's a sign from God.] That'll bring the crowds in. (Too soon? Sorry. Again, not hating on the athletes, and I send my sympathies out to Nodar Kumaritashvili's family and loved ones.) But the truth hurts. I mean, go type "winter olym" in google and one of the autocompletes is "winter Olympics 2010 death video". That's what our world has turned into.
Have you ever looked for deeds at the recorders office? Sorry. Random question I just got from my boss. The answer is no. Maybe this afternoon will change that. Here's to hoping!
Now, on to the good stuff.
Fact # 814. "Tug-of-war was an Olympic sport in the early 1900s."
I have a gem of a wound story from childhood related to tug-of-war (and when I say related, I mean fifth cousin half removed-dogs-groomers-lawyers-brother related) which I will share later.
But really, tug-of-war as a sport? That's like curling as an Olympic sport. I mean, really? Lets put dodgeball and four-square and see-sawing in as sports too. Although see-sawing would be awesome. The larger people (the anchors from the tug-of-war team) could compete and always win. It's a game of who can last on the see-saw longest. Skinny people beware for butt bumps!!! Heck, lets just turn the Olympics into field day from elementary school. Force everyone to compete even if they don't want to. Especially in the relay races. Because who doesn't love to see a little fat kid lose by three minutes on the 100-yard dash. Screw training for your entire childhood, missing out on 'important' life-milestones (like prom, graduation, first hangover, etc.), and possibly damaging your body so bad that you can never function normally again. We are all winners, right?! At least that's what we're supposed to tell the kids.
Side note: I totally just saw two tweens/teens dancing out on the sidewalk. In the middle of the pouring rain. And it was really funny. They looked into the office window when finished and grinned and I waved. Totally made my day. Thanks rain-dancing kids!
But seriously, there are some sports that don't appear to be that difficult. Example: curling. Although I am like Bambi when I get on ice, most other people seem to be able to seem at least semi-coordinated on ice. She ability to function on ice, check for most of the population. Ability to use a broom, check. Ability to push an object in a straight line, check. I think we have curling covered. Heck, I know some stay-at-home moms that are awesome with a broom. They need to start training and win some medals in 2014! Who am I kidding, the winter olympics are like your best friend's little brother who follows you around everywhere yelling "what for me guys! I wanna play too guys!". We only watch them because they invade our TV and it's either the Winter Olympics, re-runs of Law & Order :*insert letters here* (because you can ALWAYS find some L&O or bastard child of L&O on TV. And don't let me fool you. I love me some CI and SVU), or the HSN, which happens to be selling collectible plates with winter olympic stars. Don't get me wrong, I completely respect the athletes and all the hard work they've done (I'm talking about the real athletes, not curlers or people who shoot guns, then run, then bike-because we can all do that-how many of us can do a triple axle and not land flat on our faces/butts). But who wants to watch something from Canada. I mean, really, it's Canada. Do have to hand it to the Canadians, they did up the ante a little when they made their track deadly. [Aside: my IPod totally just played "Ice Ice Baby". It's a sign from God.] That'll bring the crowds in. (Too soon? Sorry. Again, not hating on the athletes, and I send my sympathies out to Nodar Kumaritashvili's family and loved ones.) But the truth hurts. I mean, go type "winter olym" in google and one of the autocompletes is "winter Olympics 2010 death video". That's what our world has turned into.
Now that completely digressed. Who wants to hear about my painful childhood tug-of-war slightly related story?
So field day (irony, I think not), third grade (possibly fourth grade, my memory from that time is a little fuzzy. Everything was Alanis Moresette and Seventeen magazine and whatever else 8-year-olds do, because no 17 year old reads 17 magazine, only 15<>
After much shedding of tears and blood and skin, I am now blessed with a scar on each knee from my field day experience. No gold medals for me. Now that I think about this story, I should have sued the school. Dang.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Hump day. How appropriate?
I wonder if they have ever done a study to see if more babies are conceived on Wednesdays, or if the nickname is inappropriate and better suited for another day. I feel bad for some of the days of the week. Not all have nicknames. Margarita Monday, Hump day for Wednesday, Thirsty Thursdays, TGIF (not really a nickname but at least an acknowledgement). Saturday and Sunday are the weekend so they don't even need nicknames, because they are already so awesome. Poor Tuesday. I'm going to make up a nickname for Tuesday. "Sucks so bad they should have just named it Monday Part Deux". I know, kinda long right? But that's how I feel most Tuesdays so that's what I'm picking.
Snapple fact of the day.
#804. "There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar."
Who set down and figured this out? Probably some nerdy mathematician (I'm allowed to call them nerds because I have a math minor, which makes me part nerd). Maybe it was Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, because that totally seems like something he would do. As soon as I read this fact, I really wanted to sit down with a big bowl of change and find all the possible ways. But I'm at work so I would probably get in trouble. So no fact checking for me. But, my real question is why this fact is #804? It would be better if it was #293. My OCD brain likes when the universe lines up like that. Who knows, maybe if it lined up like that the planets would shake out of orbit or something and then we'd all be in trouble. Someone looks up and is like, "look at the shooting star" when it's really just Neptune flying by playing tag with one of Jupiter's moons. Then Pluto comes by crying and trying to catch up to play but the other planets just pick on it since it's 'not a planet anymore'.
So, I used to play this fun game with my best friends in middle school/high school. We would take the two most random things and try to connect them someway. It was like a strange version of Eight Degrees of Kevin Bacon but with everyday stuff and not just actors. You guys should come up with some random stuff and in my next blog we could connect them. (a.k.a. I'm really bored at work and want your help to entertain myself)
What's a fire and why does it burn!!??! Sorry. Rocking out to Little Mermaid tunes. And my IPod has decided that I need to listen to Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" every day. And I only have it on there from my future sister-in-laws baby shower. But everyday I have to skip past it. Or let it play and get bored half-way through and skip. Not that I don't like the song, I just get bored really easily. I even skip half-way through on songs that I really like. I just can't get too bored because I would get tired and then I'd fall asleep and then I'd get fired. Then I couldn't buy more Snapple and then no more fun facts. Side note: my stash of Snapple is nearing its end. If anyone knows where Snapple is sold (besides Meijer's-the only dealers I've found so far) please let me know! I wanna expand my Snapple flavor horizon and have tried all of Meijer's flavors.
Recap (so you're ready when the test comes around):
-Tuesday now = sucks so bad they should have just named it Monday part deux.
-#804=293 ways to make change for $1.
-Singer of Tiny Dance=Elton John
-Pluto gets made fun of by the other planets since it's not a planet anymore.
-I'm almost outta Snapple.
-As far as I know, Meijer is running a monopoly on Snapple.
-I labeled this post pirates, when I don't even talk about pirates in it.
And I wanna give a shout-out to an awesome website - www.gilbertsclass.com. This is a guy from my church and the website is super cool. Feel free to spell check his syllabi, etc. because he is an English teacher and it's fun to correct teachers.
Side note: I just sat here for five minutes staring out where I'd typed Meier's trying to figure out why it didn't look right (it's supposed to be Meijer's). Who puts a silent J in there. That j is completely superfluous. When I have kids I'm going to put a bunch of silent letters in their names just to be cruel (because that's why you have kids - to screw with them just like our parents did to us; my husband still high steps through crowds because he was tripped so much as a little kid). Or I'm going to name them Brock Lee (go ahead, say it to urself, now a little faster, now a little faster. Get it?). What if it's a girl you ask? Calli Flower. hahaha. I'm going to make a great parent one day.
Snapple fact of the day.
#804. "There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar."
Who set down and figured this out? Probably some nerdy mathematician (I'm allowed to call them nerds because I have a math minor, which makes me part nerd). Maybe it was Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, because that totally seems like something he would do. As soon as I read this fact, I really wanted to sit down with a big bowl of change and find all the possible ways. But I'm at work so I would probably get in trouble. So no fact checking for me. But, my real question is why this fact is #804? It would be better if it was #293. My OCD brain likes when the universe lines up like that. Who knows, maybe if it lined up like that the planets would shake out of orbit or something and then we'd all be in trouble. Someone looks up and is like, "look at the shooting star" when it's really just Neptune flying by playing tag with one of Jupiter's moons. Then Pluto comes by crying and trying to catch up to play but the other planets just pick on it since it's 'not a planet anymore'.
So, I used to play this fun game with my best friends in middle school/high school. We would take the two most random things and try to connect them someway. It was like a strange version of Eight Degrees of Kevin Bacon but with everyday stuff and not just actors. You guys should come up with some random stuff and in my next blog we could connect them. (a.k.a. I'm really bored at work and want your help to entertain myself)
What's a fire and why does it burn!!??! Sorry. Rocking out to Little Mermaid tunes. And my IPod has decided that I need to listen to Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" every day. And I only have it on there from my future sister-in-laws baby shower. But everyday I have to skip past it. Or let it play and get bored half-way through and skip. Not that I don't like the song, I just get bored really easily. I even skip half-way through on songs that I really like. I just can't get too bored because I would get tired and then I'd fall asleep and then I'd get fired. Then I couldn't buy more Snapple and then no more fun facts. Side note: my stash of Snapple is nearing its end. If anyone knows where Snapple is sold (besides Meijer's-the only dealers I've found so far) please let me know! I wanna expand my Snapple flavor horizon and have tried all of Meijer's flavors.
Recap (so you're ready when the test comes around):
-Tuesday now = sucks so bad they should have just named it Monday part deux.
-#804=293 ways to make change for $1.
-Singer of Tiny Dance=Elton John
-Pluto gets made fun of by the other planets since it's not a planet anymore.
-I'm almost outta Snapple.
-As far as I know, Meijer is running a monopoly on Snapple.
-I labeled this post pirates, when I don't even talk about pirates in it.
And I wanna give a shout-out to an awesome website - www.gilbertsclass.com. This is a guy from my church and the website is super cool. Feel free to spell check his syllabi, etc. because he is an English teacher and it's fun to correct teachers.
Side note: I just sat here for five minutes staring out where I'd typed Meier's trying to figure out why it didn't look right (it's supposed to be Meijer's). Who puts a silent J in there. That j is completely superfluous. When I have kids I'm going to put a bunch of silent letters in their names just to be cruel (because that's why you have kids - to screw with them just like our parents did to us; my husband still high steps through crowds because he was tripped so much as a little kid). Or I'm going to name them Brock Lee (go ahead, say it to urself, now a little faster, now a little faster. Get it?). What if it's a girl you ask? Calli Flower. hahaha. I'm going to make a great parent one day.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
POTATOES!
Good morning. I couldn't come up with a good title for today, so I just sent a shout out to one of my favorite foods. Let's just take a second and think about the awesomeness of potatoes. I mean fried, baked, steamed, mashed, scalloped, twice baked, bacon-covered, drowning in gravy, grilled, charbroiled, I could go on and on. Heck, I hate cheese, and love a little cheese on potatoes. Now that I'm super hungry, and 2+ hours away from lunch, lets move on.
Fact #716. "There is a museum of strawberries in Belgium."
Those crazy Belgiums. Although, the other thing they are known for is really good covered in strawberries, so it only makes sense that they have a strawberry museum. (Belgium waffles people, keep up!) Gosh, now we're talking about food again and my tummy is getting all rumbly. But, back to the strawberry museum. How does that even work? I mean, are they fake strawberries, or preserved strawberries (can you preserve a strawberry? And I don't mean like make it into a jelly, I mean save it in its original form forever), or do they just rotate their inventory and get a new display every few weeks. That's one way to get people to keep coming back. Promise a new show every week! I could be on to something here.I could open up a yard sale museum. Every week we have new crap. And it's all for sale. And it's all your old crap. Come check it out! Oh, wait, they have those. They're called pawn shops. Dang. Another idea I'm too late on. Story of my life.
This is probably not going to be very long. I'm super sleepy. And my brain is working about seventeen speeds slower then normal. But before I leave you, book shout-out. Just finished "Evermore" by Alyson Noel last night (after starting it just yesterday too). Not terrible. Not amazing. Closer to amazing then terrible. Probably going to get the next one in the series during lunch or after work.
I'm going to go and listen to my "Defying Gravity" channel on Pandora (a.k.a. show tunes). Something has to keep me awake! Hope I don't start belting out Wicked tunes, because I have coworkers now.
Fact #716. "There is a museum of strawberries in Belgium."
Those crazy Belgiums. Although, the other thing they are known for is really good covered in strawberries, so it only makes sense that they have a strawberry museum. (Belgium waffles people, keep up!) Gosh, now we're talking about food again and my tummy is getting all rumbly. But, back to the strawberry museum. How does that even work? I mean, are they fake strawberries, or preserved strawberries (can you preserve a strawberry? And I don't mean like make it into a jelly, I mean save it in its original form forever), or do they just rotate their inventory and get a new display every few weeks. That's one way to get people to keep coming back. Promise a new show every week! I could be on to something here.I could open up a yard sale museum. Every week we have new crap. And it's all for sale. And it's all your old crap. Come check it out! Oh, wait, they have those. They're called pawn shops. Dang. Another idea I'm too late on. Story of my life.
This is probably not going to be very long. I'm super sleepy. And my brain is working about seventeen speeds slower then normal. But before I leave you, book shout-out. Just finished "Evermore" by Alyson Noel last night (after starting it just yesterday too). Not terrible. Not amazing. Closer to amazing then terrible. Probably going to get the next one in the series during lunch or after work.
I'm going to go and listen to my "Defying Gravity" channel on Pandora (a.k.a. show tunes). Something has to keep me awake! Hope I don't start belting out Wicked tunes, because I have coworkers now.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Another Monday. Is it 5 yet?
It's Monday again. :( I did have a long weekend though, so I guess I can't complain too much. And I got rid of the nasty Cranberry Raspberry Snapple's from my trunk. I am very picky about things matching, and therefore, those nasty things were always taunting me that they had more bottles left then the other three flavors and that made my trunk uneven. But, my mom liked them so I pawned those off on her. And a side note - if anyone finds Mango Madness flavored Snapple, please inform me immediately so I may buy the store's entire stock. Thanks.
Fact of the day:
#844 "One lump of sugar is equivalent to three feet of sugar cane."
This fact does not really trigger any weird/obscene/obscure/funny thoughts for me. Maybe because I'm tired and my brain hurts from arguing with a 'client'. But, over the weekend (actually Thursday) I consumed two snapples and someone in my presence consumed one. Equalling extra facts. And one was pretty awesome. Although it is at the bottom of my purse with the Kraken so I'm just going to have to go from memory.
It was along the lines of that an average cat can jump 4-5 times the height of their tail. If you don't know, I am the proud mommy of three sweet little angel kitties. And have always had cats growing up. If I hadn't found my hubby and worked my magic on him, I mean bought him from slavery, I mean married him, I would have ended up the crazy cat lady. And would have loved every minute of it.
From this factiod I can rate my kitties and the kitty jumping scale. Bubbie (a.k.a. Jessie Paw (I was five when I named him and I thought I was clever because my dad's middle name was Paul, so lay off me)(a.k.a. Zombie Cat as his Uncle Chris so lovingly calls him) is very old, and has trouble jumping. So he is now waaayyy below average. But in his prime, that sounds about right. So he was average.
Nala Bell, my sweet little scaridy cat, is not a great jumper at all. She has to prep and does this little bounce thing with her front paws which is uber adorable but doesn't get her much height. And she has a super long tail (I like to call her 'little paw, long tail' sometimes), so she is way below average. But as I told her this morning, that's ok. Someone has to be below the average or we wouldn't have a nice pretty Bell Curve. (My nerd is showing again)
And then we have little Miss Alice Mary Cat. And yes, she is named after Twilight. She is super duper adorable too!!! And super hyper just like her namesake. And she is totally a good jumper. Probably a little above average if she wanted to. She also loves to climb and explore and look for trouble in every possible place she can find. And she likes popcorn. I know, weird right? She actually shared some popcorn with me last night. Then passed out on my lap and almost fell off, so I had to hold her like a baby until my arm was numb. They aren't spoiled at all.
Did I mention they have their own room? And in that room there are three separate baskets, one for each. And their own cabinet and drawer in the kitchen.
But seriously, if we had to grade my kitties on jumping they would get the following:
Bubbie = F (presently, C in his earlier years)
Nala = D
Alice = B
But that's the best they can do, so I still love them.
I think I've rambled enough today.
FYI: You want something done by a lawyer, don't call/stop by three hundred times a day. It just angers the secretary and lawyer and makes them not want to work hard on your case. Especially when you owe lots of money. Just saying...
Fact of the day:
#844 "One lump of sugar is equivalent to three feet of sugar cane."
This fact does not really trigger any weird/obscene/obscure/funny thoughts for me. Maybe because I'm tired and my brain hurts from arguing with a 'client'. But, over the weekend (actually Thursday) I consumed two snapples and someone in my presence consumed one. Equalling extra facts. And one was pretty awesome. Although it is at the bottom of my purse with the Kraken so I'm just going to have to go from memory.
It was along the lines of that an average cat can jump 4-5 times the height of their tail. If you don't know, I am the proud mommy of three sweet little angel kitties. And have always had cats growing up. If I hadn't found my hubby and worked my magic on him, I mean bought him from slavery, I mean married him, I would have ended up the crazy cat lady. And would have loved every minute of it.
From this factiod I can rate my kitties and the kitty jumping scale. Bubbie (a.k.a. Jessie Paw (I was five when I named him and I thought I was clever because my dad's middle name was Paul, so lay off me)(a.k.a. Zombie Cat as his Uncle Chris so lovingly calls him) is very old, and has trouble jumping. So he is now waaayyy below average. But in his prime, that sounds about right. So he was average.
Nala Bell, my sweet little scaridy cat, is not a great jumper at all. She has to prep and does this little bounce thing with her front paws which is uber adorable but doesn't get her much height. And she has a super long tail (I like to call her 'little paw, long tail' sometimes), so she is way below average. But as I told her this morning, that's ok. Someone has to be below the average or we wouldn't have a nice pretty Bell Curve. (My nerd is showing again)
And then we have little Miss Alice Mary Cat. And yes, she is named after Twilight. She is super duper adorable too!!! And super hyper just like her namesake. And she is totally a good jumper. Probably a little above average if she wanted to. She also loves to climb and explore and look for trouble in every possible place she can find. And she likes popcorn. I know, weird right? She actually shared some popcorn with me last night. Then passed out on my lap and almost fell off, so I had to hold her like a baby until my arm was numb. They aren't spoiled at all.
Did I mention they have their own room? And in that room there are three separate baskets, one for each. And their own cabinet and drawer in the kitchen.
But seriously, if we had to grade my kitties on jumping they would get the following:
Bubbie = F (presently, C in his earlier years)
Nala = D
Alice = B
But that's the best they can do, so I still love them.
I think I've rambled enough today.
FYI: You want something done by a lawyer, don't call/stop by three hundred times a day. It just angers the secretary and lawyer and makes them not want to work hard on your case. Especially when you owe lots of money. Just saying...
Thursday, March 18, 2010
The day after yesterday. That would be today.
Hi. It's Thursday. Finally. And I get a half day at work today and off tomorrow, woo hoo!!
Had to get up extra early this morning. Disliked that. Saw an accident on the way to work. Kinda liked that. (Is God going to smite me for that?-I'm pretty sure no one was severly hurt, so I'm not a sadist or anything like that.)
Ok. Snapple fact of the day:
#911 (that's crazy, because I tried calling that number this morning after that accident but my phone screwed up. Good thing I wasn't being attacked by a killer zombie (is their any nice zombies out there? That would make a good movie. Instead of eating brains, they just cook you breakfast or something. Call Hollywood!) or being eaten by rapid aunteaters (get it, I'm an aunt not an ant..haha. And yes, this is what my husband puts up with all the time.)
"A cubic mile of fog is made up of less than a gallon of water."
That's crazy. I hate fog. It stinks. It's all condensationy and foggy and crap. Like sand. I hate sand. It's all sandy, and scratchy and gets everywhere. Yes, I did just reference Star Wars. Man, yesterday Star Trek, today Star Wars. I am a nerd. :)
Just got distracted by the label on my Snapple. It looks like the label on a bottle of water. calories=0, total fat=0%, sodium=0%, total carb=0%, protein=0g. Woo hoo! But, water doesn't come with colorful labels and fun facts. So take that water! What's aspartame? or phenylalnine? I hope it's good for you, because I'm taking those in everyday with my Snapple. This could turn into an experiment. Like the McDonalds guy. What happens when I drink Snapple everyday. Maybe I will gain super powers from those things. Watch out Spiderman here comes the new boss in town - Snapplegirl! I could have a theme song and everything. It would get stuck in ur head all day and you wouldn't get any work done. That happens almost daily with me and the Star Wars theme and any number of other songs. Usually the one I hate and only heard two seconds of in the car. And why is it that my IPod's shuffle isn't really a shuffle. That is false advertisement. It plays everything I never play. Heck, I had to skip the same song twice yesterday. With 823 songs, that's a little realdicilous! I should be able to sit and listen to music for like a month without repeating a song. Not when shuffle is in the driver's seat. Shuffle wants to listen to Brittney Spears, or Backstreet Boys, or N'Sync, or 98 Degrees (yes, I grew up in the 90's, so deal with it). But Amanda doesn't. Especially at work, where there are other people that can hear Amanda's music choice. And I don't want to be judged on the fact that I have those particular song choices on my IPod.
Ok. I guess I should go fake work some more. Enjoy your day. Don't forget to watch out for zombies.
Had to get up extra early this morning. Disliked that. Saw an accident on the way to work. Kinda liked that. (Is God going to smite me for that?-I'm pretty sure no one was severly hurt, so I'm not a sadist or anything like that.)
Ok. Snapple fact of the day:
#911 (that's crazy, because I tried calling that number this morning after that accident but my phone screwed up. Good thing I wasn't being attacked by a killer zombie (is their any nice zombies out there? That would make a good movie. Instead of eating brains, they just cook you breakfast or something. Call Hollywood!) or being eaten by rapid aunteaters (get it, I'm an aunt not an ant..haha. And yes, this is what my husband puts up with all the time.)
"A cubic mile of fog is made up of less than a gallon of water."
That's crazy. I hate fog. It stinks. It's all condensationy and foggy and crap. Like sand. I hate sand. It's all sandy, and scratchy and gets everywhere. Yes, I did just reference Star Wars. Man, yesterday Star Trek, today Star Wars. I am a nerd. :)
Just got distracted by the label on my Snapple. It looks like the label on a bottle of water. calories=0, total fat=0%, sodium=0%, total carb=0%, protein=0g. Woo hoo! But, water doesn't come with colorful labels and fun facts. So take that water! What's aspartame? or phenylalnine? I hope it's good for you, because I'm taking those in everyday with my Snapple. This could turn into an experiment. Like the McDonalds guy. What happens when I drink Snapple everyday. Maybe I will gain super powers from those things. Watch out Spiderman here comes the new boss in town - Snapplegirl! I could have a theme song and everything. It would get stuck in ur head all day and you wouldn't get any work done. That happens almost daily with me and the Star Wars theme and any number of other songs. Usually the one I hate and only heard two seconds of in the car. And why is it that my IPod's shuffle isn't really a shuffle. That is false advertisement. It plays everything I never play. Heck, I had to skip the same song twice yesterday. With 823 songs, that's a little realdicilous! I should be able to sit and listen to music for like a month without repeating a song. Not when shuffle is in the driver's seat. Shuffle wants to listen to Brittney Spears, or Backstreet Boys, or N'Sync, or 98 Degrees (yes, I grew up in the 90's, so deal with it). But Amanda doesn't. Especially at work, where there are other people that can hear Amanda's music choice. And I don't want to be judged on the fact that I have those particular song choices on my IPod.
Ok. I guess I should go fake work some more. Enjoy your day. Don't forget to watch out for zombies.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Captains log, stardate 3-17-10, a.k.a. Welcome to my blog
Firstly, let me apologize for the nerdy title. Never have I really watched the show Star Trek (Trekkies everywhere gasp in shock) but I did watch the movie last week and loved it. Which is close enough.
Ok. So here is how this is going to work (b/c I like lists):
-everyday I work (theoretically M-F except holidays), I will consume a Snapple
-B/c Snapple is so awesome, it not only provides tasty liquid-y goodness, it also provides a little snip-it factoid of joy
-after enjoying this factoid myself, I will then share the factoid with the world
-we will then climb on the roller coaster called my mind and journey away
(side note: is it wrong that the ONLY time I've been on a roller coaster, I was threatening the lives of those that tricked me onto said roller coaster because I LOATH roller coasters, but I then refer to my own mind-scape as a roller coaster? Sorry. I digress)
-after completing this journey, you will disembark and continue on your merry way, until returning the next day because you had such a wonderful time. Unless you hate it and you then jump over board before the end and are eaten by sharks. I again digress. But, you have been warned that failure to complete the trip could result in consumption by shark.
So, today's factoid. Well, today we actually had two, because the first I had already had (I've been doing this for a few weeks on Facebook). So after much contemplation and stomach aches from chugging of Kiwi-Strawberry Snapple, I decided I was allowed to get another Snapple. Since I had already had my favorite flavor (see Kiwi-Strawberry reference above), I went with my least favorite flavor - Diet Snapple Cranberry Raspberry. (first side-rant: Cranberries are the whores of the fruit world. They get in all the other fruits' juices. End) I was blessed with a gem of a factoid. I did also manage to choke down most of 2nd drink during lunch, masking the flavor with my PB&J and cold, leftover Shells & Cheese. Although there is about three drinks left and it is now mocking me. (I would now insert of Snapple mocking me, but my camera is at home. and I'm lazy. I did add color to the food names though, to spice it up a bit. And the color of the word is the approximate color of said food.)
Now!! On to the factoid. Drum roll please!! dun dun dun dun...
#123 (Snapple's given number, not my numbering system. If I numbered them, they would all be numbered 3, or 7, or 27, but that's another story.)
"Beavers were once the size of bears."
Holy corn dog!! But, here's my problem. What bears? Panda bears, koala bears (that aren't even bears but marsupials), grizzly bears, or [killer] polar bears? This makes a difference! Also, that's a lot of beaver. With a lot of tree damage and water backup. (Because of their dams. I hate when I have to explain myself.)
But beavers also makes me think of road beavers and cake. If you don't understand, watch "Meet the Deedles" immediately. And also of beavers and ducks! If you don't understand, watch "Bandits" immediately.
Then I get to bears, beets, Battlestar Galactic. Michael! I heart The Office.
So, what have we learned today?
- Kiwi-Strawberry is my favorite flavor. Cranberry Raspberry least favorite. At least of the four flavors currently rolling around in my trunk.
- I watch weird, strange, obsecure movies. Then quote said movies. Where only one other person in the world probably understands my quote (my BFF Amanda and then hubby Brandon)
- I am popular at amusement parks. Now, this does take some deducing. But I will help you. I hate roller coasters -> me standing at the end of roller coasters waiting for the others in my party -> those riding said coaster can not take bags on = me standing at the end of the roller coaster holding bags for people I don't even know.
- chugging Snapple can lead to stomach aches. But totally worth it.
- failure to finish reading the blog in it's entirety will lead to consumption by sharks.
- I totally love Daniel Tosh. This we probably didn't 'learn' from above but you are now learning this. A day is not complete without at least one (preferably more) DT references. Even if, when this reference is made no one else around understands, I will still spend five minutes daydreaming about how much I love DT and his jokes. I made a Tosh reference in this blog. Did you catch it? If not, go watch his stand up, and then find reference. Repeat as necessary.
Other things I learned today and will share will all you out there:
- You can not put a less than sign (the one where the alligators mouth opens to the left) immediately followed by the #3 on this blog. For some reason, it will delete all you have typed and you will have to re-type everything. So if everything after the word 'heart' is not funny, I'm sorry. It was funny the first time. But the internets ate it. This is a tribute to what was written before.
- leaving an energy drink in the freezer over night with result in a mess. It will lead to the first person at work discovering the freezer door slightly ajar, going over to close it only to find a neon pink, sticky, berry-scented mess of goo and slush all over the freezer, floor, and dripping on/into the fridge. Then said person, lets just call them me for clarity, will proceed to clean up fridge, floor, and freezer, when they have never even consumed an energy drink, ever. It's a great way to start your day at work. Seriously. Try it tomorrow. You'll love it. I'm assuming though, that it's more fun to be the person that placed the drink and not the me in the story. Although I have only participated in this activity from one side.
Now that we all know some more about each other (and by this I mean you creepy stalker people know more about me and I have no idea who you even are), and ancient beavers, and energy drink goo, I will depart for the day. To be less creepy and stalker-ish, leave comments about yourself, or my warped mind, or your favorite type of bear. First person to figure out and point out the Daniel Tosh reference will receive a medal. {Said medal will only be shipped after receiving your completed application for citizenship, proof of living-ness, valid credit card number, social security number, seven non-relative references, and payment of shipping and handling. Some settling and movement may occur during shipping process which could lead to a difference in expectations and actual product. All complaints will be taken on Complaint Day which falls once a year on the thirteenth Sunday of the lunar calendar.}
Look!! I made it through this whole thing without making a "that's what she said" joke, which, for those that know me, is an accomplishment. That's what she said. dang. I'll try again tomorrow. That's what she said.
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